NCP Not pay child $upport - Yr 2 cnts
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| Sat, 04-14-2007 - 3:55pm |
Same old question.
The courts continously say "Do not put a monetary value on your child's relationship with their other parent."
OK so i don't but then what is the court allowing? For the other parent (THE ONES THAT ARE NOT OUT THERE TRYING TO DO WHATEVER THEY CAN FOR THEIR CHILD(REN) THEY CAN'T SEE THAT OFTEN FOR REAL REASONS) I am talking about ones like my XH who CAN WORK and CAN CONTINUE to have more children, live off welfare, have big screen tv, new furniture, miss our child's surgery dates, doctor appts, etc. The court says oh big deal you don't pay for your child at one point somewhere down the road we will catch up with you but until then don't worry about your child, eating, clothing, school supplies etc......
My XH was NEVER like this NEVER. We have joint custody wtih me having physical custody. Most of the time our DD goes with him every other weekend, every other holiday, every other week in the summer. If something special is happening for either one of us I will ask for changes or he might and we work around it. NOT because I want to keep it smooth between us because I hate that *(^*^$%&#$#@^(*(**$@@#!!!!! Talking hate. But why do I want to hurt my daughter. In the end I know he is going to hurt her and I am not looking forward to that day.
At first I was like man %$@$#@ him I dont' need his money. I can do this by myself. I I I I I ..... but then more than one smart person on this board said to me "YOU may not want it but YOUR DD DESERVES IT. She deserves to be supported by both her parents regardless."
I look at my DD and she is no angel and I have said this many many times before I am NOT the perfect parent but she is MY responsibility and I love her so why can't her father. In my opinion he doesn't deserve to have the compliment of being called "daddy."
Just venting - thanks for reading.

I am 100% with you on this one. My ex is $2500 behind in cs. He lives in IN; I live in MO. He makes $87,000 a year; I make less than $15,000. He's ordered to have health insurance on her. His insurance is only good in his area--not where she spends 75% of her time--with me. Our dd has moderate to persistent asthma.
Monthly, I have to choose whether I want to pay my bills or get her medicine. It's a tough choice. If I don't pay my rent, I lose my apt. If I don't buy her meds, I lose my daughter. Since January, I have spent $571 in doctor bills and medicine. I have spent over $600 in gas-most of which is transportation costs to take her back and forth for visitation weekends. Whether or not he pays his child support, I still have to take her to see him. I still have to buy her medicine. She is on six different medicines every day for her allergies and asthma. I can't cut any of them out because some of them keep her allergies regulated. Without her allergies regulated, she has an asthma attack.
Last week 4/3 to 4/11, this really came into focus for me. Thank God for the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). On 4/3 (Tuesday), my daughter woke up with a sore throat. I figured it was probably allergies draining and irritating her throat, but one of the other kids at Grandma's daycare was sick so I decided to err on the side of caution and take her to the doc. Doc looked at it and said I was right. She was fine, just allergies. I emailed her dad after the visit and told him the situation.
Wed. 4/4, Lauren's fine, goes back to school--no sign of sore throat. That night, I take her to her dad's for spring break. Lauren is feeling great, no complaints (except that she didn't want to go to her dad's). Thursday and Friday pass--no problems. Saturday night gets here. At 9:30PM, I get an email from her dad saying that from the moment she got to their house, her breathing was almost to the critical range. The medicine I had in her medicine bag was empty, they had to take her to the doctor on Friday(I'm assuming it was Friday--he said they took her the day before.) I was LIVID. That night, I did not reply to the email--I was too upset to make a coherent thought. Sunday I tried calling their house to find out what was going on. I got their answering machine. I left a message. I tried calling my ex's cell phone. Somebody answered and then immediately hung up again. I tried calling back and got his voice mail. I left a message. I tried again later in the evening on both phones and got vm both times. I was pretty ticked--again--and very worried. But I still did not respond to his email.
Monday, I get my facts straight (and my proof) together to back up my side of the story that all of his assertions in the email were false. Tuesday, I get Lauren back--Thank God. When I get her, her energy is obviously down, she's as pale as a ghost. It's a 3 hour drive back home from the meeting spot. About halfway home, we stop at a rest stop.She's coughing quite a bit, so I tell her to take her peak flows(breathing measurements.) She's close to the critical stage again. I tell her to use her albuterol (emergency rescue medicine). IT'S NOT IN THE MEDICINE BAG!!!! I call my ex--and get his voice mail. I tell him to call me back, it's an emergency. When he finally calls me back, I ask him where her albuterol is. He says, Oh, we threw yours away. It wasn't working so we figured it was empty. It wasn't empty--it was almost completely full. He says that they put other albuterol in the bag. I tell him it's not in there and ask him where it is. He says, Oh, it's next to me in the seat of my car. I guess I forgot to put it in the bag. By now, we're close to OH crapville. We hang up and I call my parents, tell them what the situation is, and ask them if they can get the medicine for me--she has to have it. By the time we get home, they have it for her. Normally when we get back, she's wired and doesn't want to go to bed. This time, she's so tired that she doesn't want to stay up long enough to do her medicine. It's like pulling wisdom teeth. I had to keep her home Wed. and Thurs. from school because her breathing was too low. Anytime she would get excited, she would start coughing. Wed. all she wanted to do was lay down. Wednesday, I answered his email-I disected it and answered each one of his allegations with specifics. I let him know that I have the facts and proof to back my assertions up. I also countered with the fact that he has not paid his cs, his insurance doesn't work here, and for the past month or so, I have been paying for her medical care out of pocket instead of through the court ordered insurance he doesn't have. I still haven't received an answer to that email. But of course, the attack and everything was MY fault. I'm a "terrible mother" and I "never" have her best interests at heart.
This morning, my daughter saw my name badge that still had my name on it from when I was married to my ex. I asked her if she was okay with the fact that I had changed my name back to my maiden name. She said she was. Then she said that for a while, she had wanted to get her name changed to mine to, but her dad hadn't done anything bad enough to make that happen. It was very hard to, but I kept my mouth shut. If only she knew about all the crap he pulls, all he is supposed to do and doesn't, and everything he's put us through in the past; it would break her heart into a thousand tiny pieces. I honestly hope she never finds out.
I didn't mean to hijack your post. It's just so frustrating to see these NCPs getting by with everything that they do with seemingly no consequences for their inactions. I'm all for the rights of non-custodial parents, but parenthood is a responsibility as well as a priviledge. When are the dead beat parents going to face the music?
He's going to get his--fairly shortly. We went back to court on March 5, that was when cs was raised from 262 to 682 and x was ordered to carry insurance on her--proactive back to Dec. 1. CS has been garnished, but right now I'm playing a waiting game until I actually start receiving it. Hopefully it will be no longer than just a few weeks. Luckily, my parents have been able to help me out (a lot), as well as my boyfriend. I have an extremely understanding landlord--thank goodness. Right now my x is ticked because he did not win in court and is throwing a temper tantrum. It's only been since March 5 that I have not received any child support, but it's getting tougher each and every day to keep our heads above water.
I have told my attorney about the situation and he is looking into our options. He's NOT happy with my x. Apparently, my x is looking for a new attorney. He has not been in contact recently with the one that represented him in our court battle. So fairly soon we will begin going through round 3.