Need advice .....
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-17-2008 - 8:24pm |
My STBX and I have been married 21 years, together 28. Live in Georgia. He has been verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive the whole time, you wouldn't believe what I have lived thru. He moved out in 2005, was gone two years and although he paid the bills he gave me no money and I had to use my check (430 every two weeks) for things the kids needed, food, etc. He came back home a year ago this past December - I really didn't want him to but he wanted to try to "work on our relationship". He bought a new car (which I now think was his motive) 6 weeks later and not too long after he was back to his old crap. This past October he had another meltdown and I think that he started then to plan this divorce. He has been living in our daughter's vacant room since he got back, and he put a lock on the door. Then he moved our 15yo son's computer in his room and put a lock on his door, too. STBX says it's because I'll "steal" from them. He locked the garage door to protect his car. So if I needed to get into the garage I had to ask permission but if he didn't want to grant it he didn't. He has been talking to and spending a lot of time with our son ( funny he never cared so much before) locked in their rooms. Beginning of January we had an incident and he told me that he had told our son about my one-night stand I had had 12 years ago - I was in a bad place then from depression and 16 years of abuse. I don't condone my behavior, I was stupid to do it but I was lonely and desperate and very drunk ( I rarely drink ). I was devastated and my son was abusive as well to me, and it was clear that STBX has justified his treatment of me the past 12 years to my son due to the affair. What my son doesn't know is that his dad has ALWAYS treated me like that. My son has been completely brainwashed by him.
In January STBX started an argument and my son and he ganged up on me and my son started cursing me. I popped him on the face, open hand. He shoved me to the ground. We called the cops and my son and STBX claimed I punched my son in the jaw. The cop saw no mark and told my STBX that I was within my rights as a parent to discipline my son. STBX didn't like that at all. I stayed to myself, didn't have anything to do with STBX after that. Son played the game with dad. Feb 8th a sheriff served me ( at work ) with divorce papers and an exparte order putting me out of my own house. The exparte order stated that I was loud, abusive and violent and had punched my son in the jaw. I haven't talked to my son since and won't see him until March 23rd or after. My STBX wants full custody and the house, my son signed a statement that he wants to live with his dad. My lawyer says that since my son signed this statement that that will probably happen. He sure as hell won't get full custody. My STBX smokes pot and drinks with him. He is abusive and should not be the one living in that house with him, I should. I can't believe (and can believe) that he is doing this to me, but he knows that I put the kids first, always have ( to his chagrin ) and this is th only way he can truly hurt me. He is only using our son. My daughter thinks my son is only going along with this because he doesn't want to disappoint his dad and/or make him mad. Suddenly, after all these years my STBX is paying attention to him, doing things with him, partying with him and it's like party central.
My husband is only for himself, always has been. Resents the love and attention I have always given the kids. He's bipolar - oh sorry " has a mood disorder " - and I fear for my son's sanity and future. My pain is deep and I feel like the woman in the Bible who tells the King not to cut the child in half, to let the other woman have him in order to save her baby's life. I'm trying to let God take control but how can I be forced to sacrifice my child like this?

Hi Finally,
I truly feel for you because I was in your situation not that long ago.