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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 11:55pm |
In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that my dd was having separation anxiety because of her telling the gal about wanting to move to her dad's. We have been divorced for 3 years and I'm taking him back to court to change the custody agreement. He moved 7 hours away and joint custody is not realistic anymore.
The separation anxiety is getting worse--but usually only at bedtime. Each night after I'm home from work, she wants to be with me practically every second unless she has other things she wants to do. I normally try to spend time with her every night (playing a game, watching a movie, building a puzzle, etc). The problem comes at bedtime. She's afraid that she will be forced to go live with her dad because of what she told her gal so she is afraid to sleep alone or to go to bed before me. She's afraid that I won't be there when she gets up and/or she's afraid that she will have nightmares about me not being there. Right now, she's sleeping on the couch in the living room where the computer is until I am ready to go to bed. That's when I get to carry her to my bed to sleep with me (At 70 lbs, this is no easy task.). She has school tomorrow and it was the only way to get her to fall asleep and get some rest. I know this is in no way healthy for her and it's wearing on me.
My questions are these: 1) Is she playing/manipulating me? 2) What can I do to help her through this? 3)Brutally honest opinions please: Did I make it worse by telling her about the court case before she went to her dad's for Christmas break?
Tomorrow I'm going to call her therapist that she went to see before and see if I can't work something out with her. She has asked me several times to go talk to her again. I don't have much money, but I think I'm going to suggest to my attorney that my ex's is required to pay for it. At the end of the month, I will be dropping her from my insurance and his will be taking over. I couldn't afford to keep her on my insurance anymore.
My heart breaks for her each time she cries. I keep holding her and telling her that it will all work out, but I'm not sure she believes me. I'm not sure I believe myself. He makes 6 times more than I do each year. He's good at painting a very good picture to the judge and twisting my words and using them against me. Because I couldn't hold my tears back in front of her a week ago, she feels as though she broke my heart. Now she's afraid to see me sad or crying. She thinks that she will be forced to go live with her dad. Please help!!

Wow, I'm dreading the battle over my babies. H is doing some of the same things that SM is. He's FINALLY stepping up to the plate, but I feel it's to undermine my parenting skills rather than because he wants be be a better dad. He's trying to take my kids from me. He took DD to the doctor for waxy ears and dry cracked skin. I'm sure he'll try claiming neglect because I didn't think a doctor appointment was necessary.
The thought of him taking my kids makes me nauseous. He never cared a bit how I mothered those children. He rarely lifted a finger unless he absolutely had to. He wouldn't change diapers. He wouldn't get up for night feedings. He didn't stay home when they were sick. He didn't clean up puke. I did everything. Now he's trying to claim to be the perfect dad and calling me incompetent and mentally unstable (because I'm adamant about not "fixing" the marriage).
I'm sorry to vent. I HATE the tug-of-war with the kids. They don't need this. I know he doesn't really want the responsibility. He loves the kids, but he's really only trying to get revenge on me for leaving him. I too wish it would all go away.