Need Advice
Find a Conversation
Need Advice
| Wed, 06-15-2005 - 4:28pm |
Hello All,
I dont know what to do and I need your advice. I am still going to contact the courts to see what I can do but I just needed some opinions. Im divorced w/a 2 yr old son and my ex has him everyother wknd, in fact he gets him this wknd. Anyway, he informed me that his gf is going to be picking up my son from daycare from now on. He said because of his family leaving he has no one else to help him w/my son. I have never met this woman and he refuses to let me meet her stating that I would be rude about it and cause a scene. He just doesnt get it, its not about her, im not a freakin child, its about my son, his well being and making sure hes safe. I cant believe hes already having this woman get my son. I told him she is not picking him up until I meet her. He told me that she is picking him up Friday and if I stop it, hes going to call the police out because I am in contempt of his visitation rights w/his son. Anyway, I know there is a list that you sign for daycare for who can and cannot pick him up. My question is, do you know if he has the right to put her on that list. Im the one who enrolled my son in the daycare and im the one who put him on the list. Any advice on how to handle this situation. I cant believe Im going through this, I figured it would end w/the divorce. It seems like things are worse. In today's society its so hard to trust others w/your children, this is really affecting me.
Thanks.
I dont know what to do and I need your advice. I am still going to contact the courts to see what I can do but I just needed some opinions. Im divorced w/a 2 yr old son and my ex has him everyother wknd, in fact he gets him this wknd. Anyway, he informed me that his gf is going to be picking up my son from daycare from now on. He said because of his family leaving he has no one else to help him w/my son. I have never met this woman and he refuses to let me meet her stating that I would be rude about it and cause a scene. He just doesnt get it, its not about her, im not a freakin child, its about my son, his well being and making sure hes safe. I cant believe hes already having this woman get my son. I told him she is not picking him up until I meet her. He told me that she is picking him up Friday and if I stop it, hes going to call the police out because I am in contempt of his visitation rights w/his son. Anyway, I know there is a list that you sign for daycare for who can and cannot pick him up. My question is, do you know if he has the right to put her on that list. Im the one who enrolled my son in the daycare and im the one who put him on the list. Any advice on how to handle this situation. I cant believe Im going through this, I figured it would end w/the divorce. It seems like things are worse. In today's society its so hard to trust others w/your children, this is really affecting me.
Thanks.

Hi there,
Hugs to you :)
I think that one of the parents of the child have to add that person ( in this case GF ) to a list of people able to pick up your son. Is he able to add that person, yes. He is the bio-dad. Is bio-dad listed anywhere with daycare? probably.... and he has just as much of a right as you do. Do you have joint custody? If so he definitely has access to school records, that being one of them.
I know it sucks. I know having OW interfere with your son is hard. The bottom line is he is just as capable of making a decision like that as you are. He would not do anything to hurt your son. He would not send someone irresponsible to pick him up. You have to trust his parenting decisions in order to move on emotionally. I know it is hard, believe me, but you have to do it. It isn't worth fighting the inevitable.
Hugs to you,
Angelena
oh my God. I cant even imagine. Oh God. I would want to kill him. first off, im assuming there's a custody order in effect. If so does it state she is allowed to pick of your child. If not then your ex is full of $h*t!
How dare he "refuse" you to meet her then have the nerve to tell you she'll be picking up your 2 yr old from now on! How well does your son even know this chick? How old is she, does she have experience with children? I so furious at your ex. OH!
You need to contact the courts ASAP! Like tomorrow morning, no joke. Refer to your visitation order since it's through the court, does it specify anyone other than you or him picking him up, if NOT, then there is NO WAY she'd be getting my child. I'd pick up my son and tell him he can come to me to get him from me when he's available. Or I'd get to the daycare before her and then he cant do anything about you meeting her because he'd have no choice. He cant tell you NOT to SHOW up there. Call the daycare see is he's put her on the list if not she cant pick up your son.
OOOH I could just....., how could he.
Also call the precinct if the other things dont get you anywhere. Since he wants to be so smart and threaten to call the Police on you.
JERK! Let us know what happens
I see you point, but intially i went crazy when I read the post I was so upset for her. However, in being a parent he should out of respect for her as the child's mother, at least let her meet this person, who is he to assume that she wont know how to "act" towards this gf.
It's one thing if he's not giving the gf responsibilities like this one for example picking up the child. But if he wants this girl to have a real function in their son's life then in being a "responsible parent" sit down with her and introduce them properly. Let her talk to the person who will be taking on more of a serious role in her childs life. That would be something for me that would be non-negotiable. I would do that out of respect for my ex as the father of my child if I wanted the "new man" in my life to begin taking a more "active" role in my child's life. He should do it the right way.
Thank you all for you input, it sure does help.
Actually I wasnt the one who said you should Trust your ex. That was Angelena. I dont trust my ex either. i was the one who said how old is she, call the daycare, the courts, see if he can have her do this just like that. Heck even call the police and ask if you dont get anywhere with the others. Please give more details. Who has sole custody, have you check your visitation order. Im assuming all this has been documented through the courts as far as the visitation schedule. How old is she. You need to find out from him some basic, important questions. Like what is her last name, where will she be taking your son, does she have a car seat etc. I would make an attempt to calmly and rationally discuss my concerns with him. Explaining calmly what my fears are, asking him to understand and how would he feel if it was reversed. Please get back to us with the rest of the details.
Hi Melrose,
I completely agree with you! No way should his g/f be picking up your baby from daycare. i have an 18mo. old, and if my stbx couldn't get her, or a grandparent, then it would be me. I didn't read the other posts yet, but I would definitely put my foot down about it!
I think you need to find out if you have the legal right to stop it or not. That may mean a visit to an attorney for a small fee, but it would be worth it. Making a big stink when you have no legal say who picks up on his parenting time isn't going to help either of you (he'll fight you and he'll win). It may be possible that you have some legal say in this, even on his parenting time, but you should find out for sure.
If nothing else, try to get him to see what's in it for him. For example, you want him to call you when he gets your son to say he's been picked up. That is reasonable, but do you do the same for him? My ex and I have always done this. That way the other parent knows what kind of morning dd had and that she made it to school okay, and also gets to hear what kind of day dd says she had (sometimes she will talk on the phone and tell hte other parent herself, sometimes not) and that she was safely picked up. But it works because we extend the courtesy to each other, it's not one sided. Try and think of some way that letting you meet his gf benefits him. Maybe explain that you expect one day to have another person in your life, and since that person has the chance to be around ds a lot, you would assume he would want to meet his new man and ask any questions that a reasonable parent might expect to ask. Tell him the consideration of having the other parent meet the new person in ds's life would go both ways, and assure him you can handle the situation in a mature way. Don't demand that you meet her, ask.
If he still refuses, then you are stuck with the question of if you have a legal right to stop it. I'm thinking that if you met someone you could add that person's name to the pick up list at the school and he couldn't stop that. Since you have joint legal custody, he should have the same rights as you when it comes to things like that. If you had sole legal it would probably be a different story. But it's still a good idea to check with an attorney to be sure.
-sang