Need Advice Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Need Advice Please!
4
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 10:34am
My H asked for a separation, he wants me to leave our house. Brief summary of what has happened, 1mo ago he found out about an affair i had. I want to make it work out, he has said he wants to work it out, we are going to counseling, we have a 2yr old son together. He says that he feels like he can't heal with me there, he wants to continue counseling, and figure out what he wants but he feels like he can't do it with me there as a constant reminder, he feels he can't heal from the pain with me there. I understand, but my mother is giving me advice to not leave, because I will lose custody of our son IF we do end up divorced. I am confused bcause I want to do everything possible to show my H that I am willing to do anything possible to committ to working this marriage out and stay together, but at the same time i am afraid because Idon't want to lose custody of our child. What do I do? I know he needs time away but I'm afraid to leave now. I want to take my son but he said that i should've thought of that before, and that now i can't take him with me??!!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
In reply to: xale
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 5:27pm

Hugs to you - this is tough time.

A couple of things - laws vary by state, but the courts decide custody, not your H. Also, if both of you are responsible parents, custody will almost certainly involve some time with both parents. Your H trying to deny you access to your child almost certainly puts him on the wrong side of the law.

Please consult a lawyer to get specific information for your state. Your issues are between the two of you and your child needs both his parents; children should NEVER be pawns in marital problems.

GL,
~Kristi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
In reply to: xale
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 7:50pm

I agree with Kristi, you're first step is to find out what the laws in your state are. She is also correct that if you and your H can't agree on custody issues, the courts will decided what is best. But most of all, she is correct that children should not be used against each other (it seems your H is trying to do this). Divorce is between two married people - while the children are caught up in it, it doesn't change the parent/child relationship. Find out your rights - and your child's rights. Just leaving the home doesn't mean you don't get to be with your child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: xale
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 1:36am
Definitely consult an attorney. However, this is something that you should also be discussing with your counselor. Please do that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
In reply to: xale
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 9:07pm
1.do not leave your home without being very clear on the possible reprocussions (as the other poster said)
2.make copies of any important papers before you go. he is probably just waiting for you to leave before dropping the hammer...thats exactly what I did to my husband when he betrayed me by cheating.