need advice on response

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
need advice on response
2
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 3:09pm

Hi, I'm new here, but I do read the messages and get good insight from you all.

I have been divorced for 4 years, ex is a control freak and very arrogant. I'm happily re-married, have 3 kids(16, 14 & 9)from previous marriage.

My dd goes to a Catholic school about 20 minutes away (she is in 3rd grade). She wants, and I want, to transfer her to a public school in my town. Ex lives about 30 minutes away. Ex refused to allow her to transfer, so we are going to court. I wrote a brief statement why I wanted to transfer dd and submitted it to attorneys.

What I got back was a 7 page statement from the ex that went on and on about the past, how I have hurt him and the children, that I had an affair w/my current hubby (not true), that I don't support the children in their need for ongoing counseling, etc, etc. Most of his statements are untrue, and I have proof of that with documentation. However, do I respond to each of his lies, or do I just reiterate my reasons for wanting to let my dd transfer schools?

Oh, and he now wants more custody, to punish me I guess, since he never asked for more time before. Also, he has always fought the child support, so he wants that lowered. From his statement, it is obvious that he is still angry and bitter, and I don't believe the children need to see any more of that than they already do.

Bottom line question, is it better to respond in a positive way...just state the facts, and ignore his attacks? Or should I respond point for point with my proof of the inaccuracies and lies? What would a mediator want to see...I don't believe attacking each other is the answer, but I don't want FCS to think his accusations are true.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:38pm
I would think you should provide proof if you have it for the things he's said that are blatant lies, like a statement from each of you that there has been no infidelity in your current marriage, a statement from the counselor that you have not interefered with the children's counseling, and then reiterate your points regarding the transfer of schools. I believe the mediator will ignore the irrelevant attacks from your ex, but it would make sense to refute the major one's, without making any accusations of your own, just refute and then restate the relevant points. I would also suggest asking your attorney what the mediator would expect or legally what would be best.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:03pm
Yes... definitely state the facts and ignore his attacks.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~