Need to break this cycle but how....anyone else have this problem????

Thank you for your kind response. I need to be strong...stay strong and stay focused. I hatecthat I am breaking our family unit apart, but I can't bear ot keep "putting up with things" for the sake of the kids. There's a saying (I forget where it originated) that children are better off coming from a broken home rather than being in one. I can't keep staying because it's financially more comfortable....everyone has a breaking point and I think I have reached mine. I know that he'll change for while but before I know it things will return to the same controlling overbearing conditional love based crap as it was before. I hate to cause anyone pain but i also need to start looking out for myself too! I know it will be hard at first and he'll try his best ot guilt me into staying but I can't fall back into that again.

Update: I was able to successfully serve him on Tuesday. He signed for the complaint so I didn't have to get a sheriff to serve him. I brought the signed copy of the complaint to my attorney and now the ball is officially rolling. I spoke to stbx yesterday and I got the whole "I don't want this! I can save this...we can work this out!, etc". I told him there are no more chances and my decision has been made. He is like you are going to destroy the kids!!! I said no if this is handled in the most calm rational way possible we can all come put of this okay. For someone who was so eager to fix this he has done nothing but talk! I have seen no real action. If it were me I would have been on the phone making my counseling appointment first thing Monday morning to show the other spouse i was serious. He has not. And now that the papers have been signed the tune has changed again. He's all mopey and acting so dramatic. I said I need you to pull it together for the else of the kids (our one son was so taken aback by his heavy sighing and long face he's like daddy what's wrong with you???) I said pull yourself together around them....it's only going to make it worse. If I can do it (and I have been for a very long time) then you can!!!! I told him that too much time has passed and feelings are gone. You can get them back....I said NO I can't....I've been trying for years but you just can't make yourself feel something you just don't. I am pushing past the guilt of not having any feelings for him so I can move forward. I sense I will have his resistance all the way. I have moved him into our finished basement and it's making a statement that I am serious about this. He will have to accept that this IS happening. No one likes it but the damage is done and it's time to move on!!!!!!