Need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Need help
2
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 8:58pm

I just don't know what to do. Been separated almost a year now and getting divorce in Sept. Our separation agreement is going to turn into our divorce decree automatically, which will be nice. We have a 3 yr old daughter.

Thing I am running into is I am so confused and don't know what to do about how confrontational the ex is. He wants to argue with me and disagree about everything. For example tonight we were talking about the upcoming holidays and who would get her when. He said he gets her for Halloween and Christmas this year. I said fine, I get her for Thanksgiving, New year's, Easter and her birthday. He said he thought he got her for her birthday this year since I had her last year. I told him that we agreed she'd always have her birthday with me because this is where her friends are. (Quick background, we live 5 hours apart and he gets 1 week a month visitiation with 1 month during the summer) He said No, that she is going to come see him this year on her birhtday. I can't stand confrontation and I just gave in because I hate arguing. The thing is is that I can have her party the weekend before, no biggie.

Another thing is because our daughter is with me (I have physcial custody) I got both car seats. Now almost a year later he is asking for one of them. I told him no, I need one for me and one for sitter. I told him he could go buy one for $30. He said that since he paid for both the ones I have that he wants one of "His" car seats. I told him that I am paying off the credit card bill that bought both car seats and does he really want to go there with me? He changed the subject.

So here's my dilema's: What do you consider holidays for visitation purposes and switching every other year? How should I handle situations like the above ones where he wants to argue about everything?

I am just so tired of always being the one trying to keep the peace and giving in to him constantly. Then if I don't do things his way, he says I am being mean to him and not cooperating. He still gets under my skin and it takes all I have to be civial with him when we speak on the phone or he comes to get her for visitation, but will the power he has to get to me eventually wear off?

Any advice would be so appreciated and thanks for letting me vent.

Dena

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
In reply to: mom_in_2002
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 9:12pm

I am new to this board, so please excuse me for not knowing all the acronyms. What does STBX (I think that's it) mean?

Also, I forgot to mention that I am going through a lot of emotions right now. I can't believe we have been separated almost a year and almost to the divorce and he can still get to me like this. Another issue I am dealing with is that my ex has a girlfriend. He has had one since December and we've been separated since last Sept. Yeah, he doesn't waste any time. When he calls to talk to our daughter, his girlfriend gets on the phone and talks to our daughter too. She's even saying "I love you" to his girlfriend and his girlfriend tells me about how she disciplines our daughter when she's there. Why is this bugging me??? I feel like I am not the only mom here and that is bugging me.

Another thing that is getting to me is I feel like anytime he takes her for visitation (anytime but especially the holidays) that I am missing time with her I'll never get back. Granted she is with me most of the time and he only gets visitation with her, but still.

*sigh*

Please help and thanks for reading.

Dena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mom_in_2002
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 11:53pm

HI Dena.... ya know, even "married" parents get exclusive time with the kids.... it's just not so defined and cut and dried.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~