need help dealing
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| Fri, 08-04-2006 - 4:53pm |
with the fact that it is almost over (actually it was over 1-1/2 yrs ago)
I have just been served with papers to severe the divorce from collorary (sp?) relief..stbx reason given is that he has booked wedding in Cuba for November ..his mom & dad ,who have never been out of the country are going...have lots of people invited already..yada yada...oops forgot to get divorce first..
You're probably wondering why it has taken so long?..no argument with custody, he doesnt want it, but he also thinks he doesnt have to pay for the kids.. I live in Ontario Canada and we have no-fault divorce here so he does have to pay according to "child support tables"...but he is self employed so he is declaring $60,000 less than he has admitted to me that he makes...makes a difference of $1200/month. There is extra-ordinary expenses..braces...sports ..tutors ...lessons... which he doesnt think he has to pay.
So we are arguing what he is responsible to pay...unfortunately..the courts here favor the male (most of the time) so if I go to court I may screw the children out of what he is offering now..
I am almost at the end..willing to take what little he gives for them...I realize this sounds petty..but he makes a lot of money..I am asking for no spousal support..but they didnt ask for him to have a midlife crisis and marry someone half his age...
That all aside what I am really having a hard time with is that he hasnt told the kids he is going to get married..he has invited everyone..has not mentioned taking them...
who would get married again without their kids being there????
So I'm torn..do I try to do what I think is "right" for the kids..or am I just being vindictive? He left ..but I filed for divorce..I do not want to be married to him anymore..its not like we are still married..we cant even talk (actually that sounds like our marriage hahaha)My lawyer is pressuring me to settle so I dont have to go to court...I am just soo afraid to make the wrong decision..
Any input would be appreciated..I feel better just venting ..thanks
Annette

you are asking two questions:
first - regarding the end of your marriage. i am no lawyer ---- but if he is REALLY gatting married in a few months, and he has already made arrangements (made down payments etc), then you may have the upper hand here, i.e, you may be in a position to put some pressure on him. of course, this can be a little tricky, i don't know the laws in canada - can the courts force the issue here? speak to your lawyer again. OTOH = there is something to be said about finalizing things - just tying up all the loose ends. the question is hwat would you feel better with? and what would cost less money in the long term?
second - regarding the re-marriage: yes, i do know someone who would do something like this, namely my son's bio-dad. i only learned that he had gotten married after the fact (and even then - not from him,but from his mother). however, in my son's case, by that time his bio-dad had pretty much cut off all contact with our son.
if i were in your shoes - i would want to just finalize things, but that's me. as for the wedding- talk to your stbx and tell him that you feel it is important for the boys to be there and that he needs to talk to them. try not to get into a whole 'thing' with him, just state how you feel.
thanks I appreciate your thoughts...I know the legal stuff is tricky..I am going to talk to my lawyer..but these things seem to always happen on the weekend!!
I have been considering talking to him about the kids being there..but the other side is I have been "covering" for him with the kids & Im beginning to resent that(too)
thanks