Need help on Divroce settlement Fast!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Need help on Divroce settlement Fast!
7
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:28am

b4

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:34am
& forgot, Higher Education for dd, 50/50 split

R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:53am

Look this over: Permanent Parenting Plan And yes... you're going to have to be flexible on holidays... but ya know, Santa works in mysterious ways.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:14am

You probably won't get the higher education expenses. The language will likely be restated that each parent will contribute as best they can. What if you are in dire straights when college rolls around and YOU cannot afford to pay 50% ?

Child Expenses -- this is another big maybe. You have not elaborated any specifics here, so no one will agree to this. You may want to state child expenses split 70/30, not to exceed $1000 per year (in today's dollars) to be applied to (camp, day care, scouts et al......) . From his perspective, lets say you take your kid on a 14 day cruise that costs $5000, and that cruise ship has a day care fascility. Based on the language you have stated thus far, he's responsible for 70% (or a vacation).

Make sure you get the house re-titled (quit claim deed) in your name alone, and get that in writing. You will execute a hold-harmless against the exisitng mortgage. His leverage over you is that he can force you to refinance the mortgage!

Child Support -- if you ask for a modification, you are taking another trip through family court. And that means another bitter pissing contest just like the one you are going through now. Accept next time, he may have his act together and want revenge. The local agency will examine your salary also. So if your salary has increased, your child support will decrease. And if you have not increased your salary, he has a legitimate complaint about you as a parent.

Asset distribution -- nice trick. If STBX goes for it, he's an idiot, and so is his lawyer. Which is to say he'll want the money now. And he's entitled to it now.

Auto Insurance -- you don't even need to state this. Once the divorce is final, just drop him. In the mean time, there's nothing you can really do. If you talk to your agent, you can probably seperate the policies right now.

Joint Debt -- unless its a credit card he had before you were married, you are responsible for the debt, regardless of who is named on the card or loan. Its a debt incurred during the marriage.

As for the custody. This is a tricky one. Even a bad dad is better than no dad at all. And your current language will likely drive him away from his daughter for the remainder of her childhood. from my experience, this will be harmful to your daughter. You may not like how your STBX does his parenting jobs, but all that really counts is if your daughter is in danger of physical harm in his presence. Will he beat her? Will be cut her? Will he burn her? And this needs to be determined based on behaviour he has already exhibited. If you base your concerns from your anticipation or expectation, you will severely hurt your STBX, but you will also severely harm your daughter. This sucks, buts its the way it is.

Good luck, and remember the line from the movie War of the Roses --
"If you won't negotiate, I can't help you" .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:30am

>>>You may not like how your STBX does his parenting jobs, but all that really counts is if your daughter is in danger of physical harm in his presence<<<

Right now dad has supervised visitation for this reason, he's a loose cannon, has been physically abusive in the past and the one supervised visit he has had ended early with the child sneaking off and calling mom to come get her, the supervisor (a friend) hiding out in another room and the OP calling the police. If you read through rlch's previous posts, she is more than willing to allow liberal visitation, but she can't back down right now until he demonstrates he can act in a way that doesn't scare the living daylights out of his child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 11:55am
Phew - thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:07pm

Higher ed, fine. Its worth a try. In my moms situation me Dad & she divorced (he was an alcoholic & cheated on her over & over). She worked her whole life & he finally left her - us - then he inherited his Dads business & became VERY wealthy. In the meantime, we children & she put us thru college while his 2nd marriage produced a son who went to a 23K a year ore-school. THATS why thats in there. Who knows, maybe he will hit the lottery.


For CS & expnses i put this:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:15pm
I am not sure if I mentioned before, but my agreement states we will pay for dd's college based on our proportion of incomes at the time. It would be more of a stretch for my ex to pay for 1/2 of her college when he makes less than me, and if heaven forbid I end up disabled, I might end up not earning as much as him some day. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

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