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| Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:23pm |
In light of the whole "i hacked into your computer" thing I am having some serious questions about the mediation process that we've just begun. Clearly, that action and the resultant threats are not of a person who wants to come to an amicable agreement.
Nothing adds up. He wanted to go to mediation. Yesterday when I asked him why his response was "because I still love you". I swear he thinks that mediation is synonymous with marriage counselling and he's going to "get me back". He has cut me off financially, he is swearing that I will never see a dime, and he still threatens to take away the kids. He has invaded my privacy, threatens me on a regular basis, and howls and complains about how unjust it is that I left and that he's such a great guy.
I am getting the distinct impression that he sees mediation as a long drawn out opportunity to continue to drag this out and torture me into going back to him. Does that make sense? I am seriously wondering if I shouldn't scrub the mediation thing and go straight to the lawyer for as immediate an end to this as possible. This has been going on for over a year of my life and it shows no signs of ending. Am I just a sucker and being dragged along?

Meet with the mediator and see what you think. I would only work with a mediator who was also a lawyer, btw. If it feels wrong, go see a lawyer. You can still do mediation, but know that your lawyer will advise you and can even attend mediation with you. Otoh, you can just trade proposed settlements between your lawyer and his and hammer it out that way. I am kinda thinking that may be the way for me to go.
We go back to mediation tomorrow and I don't relish having to essentially represent myself (I do have a lawyer who gave me some advice and who I will call with a question I thought of before mediation tomorrow). If mediation gets too confrontational then I will fall back to the lawyers trading proposed settlements -- less personal that way.
So, those are some ideas for you. You don't have to go with just any mediator; you can find one you like.
Hth,
M
I've not really heard of the concept of trading proposed settlements via lawyers. My lawyer is trained in collaborative law which means that she and i along with him and his lawyer sit down and negotiate. As for the mediator we are seeing, he is actually a counsellor who mediates these issues adn then when we come to an agreement we each take it to our lawyers for legal advice and signing. My lawyer encouraged us to try the mediation route because it is cheaper than collaborative law and certainly much cheaper than litigation.
The mediator seems liek he is very fair and objective. He has been encouraging me to take a stronger stance. My concern is that my STBX's plan is to draw out the mediation process and still not agree to anything- just to keep me married to him and prevent him from having to support the kids financially. It's a whole other matter.
Ah, that's good, actually -- the collaborative law aspect. If mediation gets bogged down, go to the expense and bring in the collaborative lawyers to sit at your side. They should be able to force the process along -- that is the whole point -- to collaborate, not obstruct. If he obstructs, then maybe your lawyer will recommend you force his hand by filing ...
We go to mediation this afternoon. I am anxious. I don't trust my stbx and I think he is gonna make some demands (no spousal support; he gets a piece of the house etc.) which I will have to fight).
He is in such a darned hurry it is overwhelming ... I have to deal with all this and I am in school (prep for returning to work) and I am still trying to help my kids have a normal existence ... it is way too much; had to reschedule a meeting with the child psychologist (parenting plan) because my dd's teacher screwed up the date of the field trip. My stbx is pissed off because it slows the darned process down -- well, sh**t, the kids lives go on ... this is gonna happen ... they come first, you ah!!!!
Ok, apologies for venting.
Hope your process goes better than you hope. Use the collaborative process if he is dragging his feet in mediation. Keep us apprised!
M
Amen and hugs. Let us know how the mediation goes.
I had mine yesterday. It was going well until stbx brought up something personal that had NO relavence, but I felt would affect the mediator's attitude toward me. I was furious, sick to me stomach, had to leave the room.
Mine comes across as Mr. Nice, Sweet, soft-spoken guy, who only wants what is best for the kids. Oh horse dung!
Still, the mediator is incredibly sharp and I am impressed. As for the outcome ... not a clue ... lots of work yet to do. I do know he wants a piece of me (assets) and is gonna try to get out of spousal support.
GL to you. Update us!
M