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Need help, having a hard time ...
| Sat, 12-10-2005 - 11:00pm |
- but worse, so is poor dd.
I am getting very torn. Sort of. I still feel that what i am doing is right by Averey, but man, it is SO


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Hugs, Rebecca. Personally, I don't think it's a good idea for Averey to call him.
1. He's the adult here, no matter how much he chooses to ignore that fact. He's trying to force Averey into an adult role and make her responsible for continued communication between them. And while in his mind it may seem reasonable to say that it's her/your fault he couldn't see her because she didn't call him, let's see him actually try to play that card in court. Plus, we're not just talking about him seeing her now - I think if she calls him now, he's going to continue to try to force her to take that responsibility, and that's just too heavy a burden for a 5 year old to take on. He's the adult, he's her father, and it's his responsibility, so don't make it easy for him to get out of that responsibility.
2. For him, I think the important thing isn't, sadly, seeing or not seeing Averey. It's about control. He doesn't have it and he's grasping at every straw he can to get every ounce of control back he can. He's concerned about making you/Averey cave and follow his rules. If he's successful, I think it will encourage him to think up new ridiculous ways to try to manipulate and exert control. Maybe when he sees this tactic isn't working, he'll reinitiate contact.
As for you doing something wrong here, he's told you he doesn't want visitation, hasn't shown up to take visitation or called to schedule it. You haven't told him he can't call or can't have visitation. I can understand feeling guilt about not letting A call him, but her not calling him is not the reason they're not having contact right now. His choices and actions are what have created this situation.
As you've said, if it were anyone else acting this way you wouldn't hesitate or feel guilty about the actions you're taking. But his being her father doesn't make him an exception to the norms of decent human behaviour.
-sang
No, I meant Thursday... because then, his scheduled visit would be farthest away.... and that would give plenty of time for him to NOT call you to arrange the visit.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
AHA! That makes sense.
But, i just got this from him:
Edited 12/12/2005 9:03 pm ET by susieyippin
R~
Sweetie, my eyes were tearing up reading your post... I can certainly see why you feel as if you are trapped between a rock and a hard place... There are nights when Joey wants his daddy (who lives several states away) and nights where he says hateful things about him... I don't have a daddy... he said some within earshot of the phone one night when I was talking to xmil and it brought her to tears...
All I can really think of is that his "games" (my choice of words for all of the non-iV friendly stuff he's is capable of) can and do have an affect on Ave... I do like your ideal of getting him together with Ave's therapist, so they can discuss, either with him or with both of you, how you can be better co-parents, to help Ave thrive through this horrible disruption... She's doing really well and so are you, all things considered...
Hopefully what you are doing, but shielding Ave from his games, will not only act to protect her, but also to help him see the consequences of his actions, which he seems too immature to notice thus far...
You're in my thoughts and prayers...
Julie
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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