Need Input Quick!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Need Input Quick!
9
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 3:45pm

So, next weekend is XH's kid weekend. DD13 has a science competition out of town and I'm one of the coaches. I've been trying to get XH to tell me what his plans were, but he's silent. DD8 was invited to a birthday party for 2 of the boys in her class. So I asked XH about it...... no response.

No response..... so I make arrangements for my Mom to keep DD8 and her girlfriend ON, because her brother is also in the competition. Mom will take both girls to the party...... everyone wins. So I pass that info off to XH, along with a request that he do transportation for 2 girls in his neighborhood.

His reply is that DD8 is spending the night at his girlfriend's house with her 2 daughters. (I've not met this one..... and she was introduced to my girls 2 weeks after their first date, while he was still married, and they see her at least twice every weekend.) He'll take the 2 girls TO the competition, but will be going to the girlfriend's house after to get DD8, and won't be able to get the girls home.

Am I completely off my rocker that I don't want my daughter to spend 24 hours with XH's girlfriend???????

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 5:15pm

I do not think you are off your rocker BUT if it is XH visitation, I do not see how you can withhold visitation just because his GF will be there. Is there a clause in your divorce agreement about that situation? What is so horrible about the GF? Any reason why you do not want your daughter there? Sorry for so many questions. I am just trying to understand your situation better.


Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 5:28pm

I never met the girlfriend. It's not that she'll be at his house, it's that my DD8 will be at HER house without HIM for over 24 hours. HE doesn't HAVE to go to the competition. And the one thing in our agreement that will save me is the "first refusal for rights of babysitting." He needs a sitter, he has to ask me first.

When he was dating NW2 (his second wife, whom he's now divorced from) he stretched the lines between the "Neither parent shall have a member of the opposite sex whom they are dating spend the night" when he took the girls to her house overnight when the power was out. No need, because the house he was living in had a generator that powered the downstairs.

You're right, it doesn't sound so bad, but he's got a history........

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 9:24am

I am with you! I would not want to leave my kids with anybody I have NEVER met. Plus, it sounds like your ex does not have the best of judgement. Sounds like your ex is trying to just do one more thing to aggravate you. Either they don't get it or they just don't care! Stay strong!


Hugs,


Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 10:06am

See, that's exactly it..... he doesn't have the best judgment. He puts himself first and his children are a distant second. If I'd had a hint that he was going to act like this when we divorced, I would have fought for primary custody, but he was an attentive, caring father before his little head got ahold of him and he started dating.

Frankly, I wish Dr. Laura (whom I think is WAY to conservative) could knock some sense into him. Funny how a man who said his girls couldn't date until they were 23 has decided that it's fine and dandy for the same girls to accompany him on dates with his girlfriend(s), even when he was still married.

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 11:38am

With 1st Right of Refusal then he HAS to ask you first! Im not sure you can DO anything about it now, except to charge him with contempt of parenting/visitation orders after he does it. Which SUCKS.


I would be COMPLETELY furious if my kiddo was being left with a STRANGER, for 24 hours. What is he thinking? HE doesnt even know this woman after 2 WEEKS of dating?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 11:39am
Oh i re-read it - at least he hasnt been dating her only 2 weeks. But STILL, i stand by the rest of what i said.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 1:19pm

R, You're situation is MUCH worse......... I know that you're in hell right now..... and my issues are minimal in comparison.....

I just talked to my lawyer who said that yes, he's in contempt because he didn't ask me first..... He should have released the girlfriend's full name, address, and phone number to me AND I should meet her BEFORE my children are left in her care for ANY length of time..... AND because my parents are a VERY integral part of the girls' lives, they count not as babysitters, but as co-parents with me..... ergo.....

IF after our conversation later today, XH continues to insist that Gracie sleep at the girlfriend's house, super lawyer will call him and tell him that he will be in contempt of court pursuant to the SIGNED agreement..... And if he still insists, that my parents are NOT to release the girls into his care on Friday. It will get ugly if that happens...... I'll have to involve the sheriff...... hopefully the threat will be enough.

Keep up the good work...... you're a great Mom.... you just want what's best for Averey and you want her to have a relationship with her father.

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 3:03pm

Yey! Thats exactly what SHOULD happen - he is notified about the "rules" & if he doenst follow them, then he doesnt get the visitation. Sounds like you have a superb lawyer!!!


& as for mine being "worse" - you know what? We ALL have issues with different things - sure some of "worse", but it doenst make it any easier when you are going thru it, or your kids are!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 6:19pm

Okay.... situation resolved. Perhaps it was my email to him quoting our separation agreement, or perhaps it was common decency? I prefer to think that my quotation of the LEGALLY BINDING DOCUMENT made him think hard about my seriousness.

Gracie gets to spend the evening Friday with his GF's daughter for her birthday, and then to my Mom's house with her friend and Mom will take them to the classmates' birthday party. Win win all around.

Well, I have to give up some time on Friday night to chauffeur kids to my parent's house, but it's a small price to pay to be able to be with Rosie at her competition.

calla

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie