Need a load of advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Need a load of advice
15
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:54pm

I want a divorce from my husband, but having never gone through this kind of thing before, I have a load of questions. First off, I want to ask him to move out but he has no job and no place to go. So right there I'm sort of stuck because I feel guilty because it's mainly me that wants a divorce. He refuses to see how incompatible we are. He's perfectly happy living as roommates I guess. Not that my asking for a divorce will come as a surprise; it came up last year and even after a lot of counseling and soul-searching, I know splitting up is the best course of action. So how do I go about having that conversation in this situation? How do I say, "Yeah, I know you have no money, no job and nobody who will take you in, but I want you to move out."

I'm earning a 6 figure income, and while I don't think he'll demand alimony or anything like that, I'm not sure how to go about protecting myself financially. I want to keep the house -- I'm the only one who could afford it and plus I have a teenager who is still in school. With the market the way it is now, there's no way I could sell the house. What are the chances I wouldn't be forced to sell it by a divorce judge? I suppose I will if I have to, although I'd want to live here without him while I wait for it to be sold.

I have lots of other questions (splitting up debt, etc) but this is a good start.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 2:15am
Don't think he won't ask for alimony.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:44am
Ugh, that really is a sticky situation, and I feel for you. I would suggest you find some free legal counsel in your area to discuss the situation and find out what you need to do before you drop this on your husband.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:54am

Does he have no job right now because he got laid off or he's just lazy & refuses to work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:33pm
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:34pm
That's really good advice -- I should have as many ducks in a row before I break the news so that I won't have too many surprises.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:41pm

He has no job because he decided (on his own, without even talking to me) to quit his job last year.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 11:34pm

With income, she's not going to qualify for free legal advice.


MY advice is to get a good divorce laywer .

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 11:36pm

I tried to waive CS in lieu of paying my X out a settlement & i was told by my atty "The court looks at CS as the right of a CHILD ... & the other parent has no right to waive it".


It makes sense i guess ... but stll, when you have an X like mine where you KNOW you wont see CS, & yet you have to pay him out cash for a settlement (in my case, my 401K & equity in our home that *I* paid for), its a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 8:51am

I was referring to was the free initial consultation that many attorneys (at least in my area) provide regardless of income, but ITA 100% with your advice that she get a lawyer and play hardball, particularly since the stbx quit his job

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 9:35am

you need to read up on the family/divorce law in your state. I live in TX and in TX, everything is split 50/50, so he would get 50% of the equity of the house (which means you could pay him that equity instead of selling the house), 50% of your retirement accounts (same thing, you can pay him that money instead of cashing out your 401k), 50% of all the money in all the accounts, etc, etc. I think you see where I'm going with this... In TX, you would have to basically pay him off to get divorced.


Alimony in TX is only considered if you've been married at least 10 years. Before that, you get nothing.


Find out what your state does and then shop around for a great attorney. If your state is cut and dry like mine, there's not much to fight. Just write him the big ol check and get on with your life. If your state's divorce law is a little more fluid, there may be more to fight about.


Good luck!

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