Need Reactions....
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 8:22am |
I really need some input from you guys about my friend's issue. Yes, really my friend!!
She's divorced because her XH abruptly ended the marriage. Two boys, ages 7 and 8. Her XH, whom I'll call "A" is now dating (dating, not engaged or married) a woman ("L") whom he says is "very important to him." My poor friend did not heed my advice about getting the post-divorce dating issues in writing, so legally she can't do anything but.... He assured my friend that sleeping arrangements would be handled respectfully on vacations.
A wants to take the boys to a FAMILY camp with L. Family camp where families sleep in cabins as families. My friend is against it. But the real issue is that A took the boys to visit his family and L went along. They had to stay in a hotel and the sleeping arrangements were one room with two double beds, the boys in one and A and L in the other.
What's everyone's gut reaction to this?
Edited 6/22/2006 8:23 am ET by callalily65

Pages
Ah, you're a woman after my own heart! This is exactly how I feel about this issue!! I was, however, thinking that perhaps I was a bit old-fashioned and needed more input on the subject.
You know, I'm not perfect. I had sex before I was married. Heck, I was 17 and we hadn't even been dating that long. There were several before XH and I don't really regret it because I was emotionally ready for sexual relationships. While I'm teaching my daughters that sex before marriage isn't preferable, I'm not teaching them that it's wrong; just that they have to be responsible about it. But I am never going to throw it in their faces that I'm doing it!
I'm so glad I have that no sleepover clause in my agreement, but you wanna know something? It wasn't my idea. I, like so many others, never gave it a second thought! I never thought it would be an issue. XH, on the other hand, thought that because 90% of my friends were guys and several of them were single, that I'd be parading men in and out of my house in full view of the girls! Funny!
And it's not just Dads doing this. My guy's XW has been dating with their boys since about 15 seconds after he finally pulled the plug on their relationship.
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
woohoo! *clapping* I LOVE this response. I'm going to print it out and post it because I think I need to use some of this with my XH right now!
"You just can't throw kids in a situation and demand they accept it. It's not fair."
Perfection!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
*L* I'm with you! I feel the same way and I was really glad to read your wonderful gut reaction!
It's nice to hear differing opinions, but it's also nice when you find some "stranger" who feels exactly the same way that you do!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Unless they were doing "inappropriate acts" (such as having sex or other sexual natured things that would be inappropriate for a child to see, even if it were their married parents), there's not a lot she can do.... and from what my attorney told me, even if it was in the agreement, most likely a judge wouldn't want to even hear a case brought up because "he slept in the same hotel bed with his girlfriend" because it's so commonplace now.
My suggestion is for her to work on her EX by playing the good co-parent advocate and reminding..... not now, but some other time when it's not a recent issue, her EX that setting certain kinds of examples helps to steer the kids in the right direction for their adult lives.
Good luck!..... by the way.... how are you and yours????? :-)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Nice to see your name on the board, Karen, even if you are ON VACATION!
You're right, a judge wouldn't do anything, but her plan is to bring this up in mediation. Yes, the divorce is final, but they still have many unresolved issues, so they still mediate.
I saw her this weekend and she informed me that before THEY got married, he wouldn't sleep with her (literally or Biblically) until they were married, so now I find what he's done completely intolerable. Where'd those morals go???????
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Pages