Need some advice
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| Thu, 11-17-2005 - 9:27am |
Hi everyone, I need some advice.
Here's the history
My stbx and I seperated on Aug 20th,2005. He had been gambling throughout the marriage and even though I tried to support him (going to gamblers Anon and marriage counselling) he stopped going to counselling. He moved out suddenly and I soon found out he was dating another woman. I was still trying to get things worked out with him. I didn't know what was going on. Anyhow he got engaged after one month. He denies he dated her while we were together, but I think that actually makes it worse. We do not even have any divorce papers. I don't even think he has a lawyer.
Here's the problem:
After over two months of no contact,(because the last time we talked, he told me how he had shown all my personal email I sent him to his new gf. I had sent him email discussing personal issues in our marriage, trying to work things out, and he even made me believe he was considering it. But the whole time he was forwarding all my emails to her.
Anyhow, like I said after two months of no contact what-so-ever he sent me an email.
Here it is:
" Hi May I call you or even meet up with you? Would like to talk, I think about you often. If yes just RE the email If no I will understand ."
My response:
".....talk about what? Then will decide..."
His response:
"I want to apologize for many things; for not having the class to treat you with the respect you deserve.
I want to tell you that our marriage ment alot to me and that I was always proud to call you my wife and to be with you in public.
I have always felt your pain and the pain that I caused you is almost unbearable to me.
If you think I want to clear my consiuons It is not true I have to do that on my own. I just think you need know that I really cared and you mean alot to me.
You told me I never said good bye I guess thats because I always figured we would be involved in each others life some how.
I don't know if you want to talk about these things let me know."
Advice?:
So I don't know what to do. He did not want to return any of my calls when we first seperated, he would not pick up his "stuff" from the our house. He left me with all the debt. i refinanced the house, but if I were to sell it now I would still owe money because of his gambling. I know from people talking that his wedding date is within the next four months. What do I do?
I know for a fact he has not told anyone about his gambling, not even his parents which he considers close to him.
How should I handle this? Should I talk to him or what?

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GA...
It is the proverbial carrot.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Hi Di,
Thanks for the advice. It is really what I needed. You're right, if he really wants to work this out he would be there, but he isn't. Trying to think what the motive is only drives me crazy as if he really wanted me he would be there.
Thanks sooo much for the advice.
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