need some advice and thought please
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 1:38am |
Hi -
I need some advice and just your thoughts.
I am in the beginning stage of a separation that is well overdue with my husband of 20 years. We have 3 kids - 17, 18 and 20 yrs. I asked for a separation last fall, and agreed to go to therapy with him. It didn't change my feelings. So in July I finally made that decision and asked for a separation. Last week we went in and submitted separation papers to the lawyer he is to mail them to us this week and we will get them signed - as soon as they come in. It could be tomorrow.
During the last 10 months I'd been here posting under a different name for an emotional affair I was in with a mutual friend. That too is over. I also met a few people online at IV that I corresponded to via email. That ended about 2 months or more ago.
One of those who I am again in contact with - at first it was just the simple support - he was also in the process of separation - and is at the tail end of his 1 yr separation and will soon be divorced.
I have found that we connect in such a way that is completely refreshing and honest. I believe that I am falling in love with him now, and he communicates the same. We talk everyday - and truly enjoy the conversations. They are about fun stuff and other everyday stuff as well as stressful stuff that we are going through right now. I will be signing for an apartment tomorrow or the next day. Our daughter will be moving in with me and our younger son will move in with his Dad. The oldest will live off campus for school. I would begin to move boxes into the apt. mid Sept. and be moved in by the 1st of Oct.
My question - We are thinking of planning a meeting. Not alone, my friend will come and meet him with me. We may take a 15 min walk alone just to see if the alone time is as good as we think it could be emotionally. We both agree that it is too soon for sex. If I see him and this relationship keeps moving in the direction it is - as it seems to be like an online dating - even though we didn't meet on a dating service site and our feelings just crept in as we got to know each other through our talks and email exchanges.
Do you think this is cheating? It doesn't feel like cheating to me because emotionally I have not been in love with my husband for a few years now... I do not want to tell my H, as he is quite sensitive to it (he suggested that I must have had a friend already who I was planning to pay for things for me - that was not true to my asking for a separation and after this relationship turned course a bit) It is not true in the respect that I didn't ask him to help pay for things - although he has sent a card or two with gift card in them for me to get something for myself. He also offered freely to give me some money just so that I don't feel such a financial pressure in this early stage. We talked to great extents about that not being something I asked for nor do we want our relationship to have him as the caretake. I also do not want to tell my kids. I think its too early to "let them in" on the fact that I might meet this "friend" I met at an online divorce/separation support group.
Am I being considerate of thier feelings and understanding that it is too early for them to understand or am I sneaking around because I have these overwhelming feelings of love that I've not had before and now I have it and want to continue to let this relationship grow - is that cheating??? I need some advice and thought.
Thanks for your help!!
