Need some advice.....please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Need some advice.....please!
8
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 7:52pm

My D has only been final for 30 days, and I find out this week that the XH is ENGAGED to some woman that he has only known for 2 months and they are living together!!!!!!

Nursemommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 9:22pm

The best advice I think I can give you is to try your hardest to accept it, or at least pretend to in front of your children. My ex moved in with his gf within a week of moving out of our house, and within one more week told the kids about her. This was all within 2 weeks of us telling the children we were getting a divorce.

It will probably tear your heart out the first time you see the two of them drive away from your home with the kids, but the sooner you accept this is who he is the sooner you get your sanity back. My ex has been with the gf for almost three years now and I'm doing better with accepting how things are, but to this day it's still hard when I see "family" pics they give out to friends and family, or about how the gf does motherly things with my daughter. Just remember that no matter what they say or do YOU are still the kids' mother. And, like I was told when I first came to this board horribly upset about it, if it turns out the step-mother is good to your kids then at least your ex had the sense to pick someone who will be kind to them.

I will say I lost control a few times early on and screamed at him like I had never done during our entire marriage. I was so angry he was bringing another woman near them so soon, but no matter how much I screamed and cried it didn't make a damn bit of difference except to show the two of them that I was the crazy soon to be ex-wife they wanted to see me as.

I sympathize with you in this situation and I hope things turn out okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 11:41pm

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 2:01am
I really feel for you. It killed me when my XH got a girlfriend, then got her pregnant, then pregnant again, then married her. Each step was hard. We were still married when she got pregnant, the first time. You are not alone. But the pain does fade a little everyday. It has been almost 2 years now, and it hardly hurts anymore. Someone once told me the first year after D is hard, by the 2nd year you are pretty much over it. It sounds like a long time, but it goes quick and is true. Now I would'nt care if they had 10 more kids! Hang in there. It will get better.
0">Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 5:43am

YOU are thier Mommy, NO ONE can take your place. I am sure its hard, & its frustrating to know this woman will be in their lives - mostly b/c the likelihood, from what you say, of it working out is pretty nill. But its a fact that you, & they, will have to deal with.


Can you sit down & write, for yourself, the list of reasons why you are no longer married to him? I bet THAT helps you remember why you arent his wife anymore.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 9:36am

Its like deep down I know that no one can take my place as their mom, but it still hurts that someone else is playing that role somewhat too. I keep telling myself that its going to get better, but right now its just still killing me. I mean Im still trying to deal with the divorce and now Ive gotta deal with a new woman in his life at the same time.

Nursemommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 10:32am

I wonder what is in the mind of guys like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:41am

Hi nursemommy,


xh is a piece of crap and an idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:53am
Im glad you said that because I am worried sick that they will "like" her better too. When they went to spend the weekend, my oldest talked about how much fun they had, etc. Don't get me wrong, the kids and I do a lot of fun things too, but Im still the one who has to make sure they get to bed on time, do their chores, homework, etc. and when they are with dad and gf, they stay up late and do what they want. Its so frustrating! Its makes me feel sooooo much to hear that someone else had these same feelings and that they got better! Thanks for sharing!
Nursemommy