Need some outside input
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| Sat, 11-25-2006 - 4:13pm |
Hi All,
I know it's been quite a while since I last posted. Things have been pretty quiet around here for the most part. Here's the update. Ex is allowing me to have the kids all week now. He takes them Fri. eve until Sun. eve. That leaves me fully responsible for getting them to school.
For those of you not familiar, for the last 2 years ex would get the girls to school late over 40 times in a school year on his days.
ODD noticed on her report card she had no tardy or absences. She was really excited about that. The thing I need input on is, ex is getting remarried. I don't have a problem with that however I do have concernes. He met this woman on a singles site. She lives a couple states away, has 4 kids 1 girl married w/ 2 kids, 1boy in college, 2 boys still in highschool. Ex has only met this woman 1 time prior to this weekend. This is the second time she has come to visit. They communicate mostly by phone or email. He has never met her kids. All of this has taken place since this past August.
Personally I could care less who he has relations with except my 2 girls are invloved. He is planning a wedding around Easter at which time she would move here with her 2 boys. I know almost nothing about her or where she came from or how her boys are. How much concerne should I have or am I overthinking all of this? I just want my kids to be safe.
Also another note. He did just come off of a 2 year relationship in which he has a baby boy to another woman. I am now stuck with helping my girls keep in touch with this other woman so they will grow up knowing their little brother. So is this a bunch of worry about nothing?
K

It would be nice if this new lady would be willing to meet with you. In talking to two different psychologists, I've been told that this is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask for. If you knew more about the lady and her kids, that would help. But she may not be willing to do that - so be prepared for that.
There isn't a lot you can do in this situation unless you know that your children are in some kind of danger. If you have a good relationship with your girls and they know that they can talk to you about anything, then you will know how things are going when they are with their Dad and this new lady.
You know, it is possible that your ex will break up with this lady before Easter....I can't imagine marrying someone if you've only met them in person a handful of times. You can believe that you've got the most charming person in your life - but how do you really know that until you spend time with them in real life?? My Mom says that it takes at least two years before you can really say you are beginning to really 'know' someone. It blows me away that people will commit themselves to marriage when they've known each other less than a year. (My ex did this - and I *know* the new wife has very little idea of who she really married.)
I can understand your concerns - what your ex does has an impact on your children. I know I personally would hate to see significant others coming and going out of my ex's life - which is why I hope his recent marriage lasts. But I know that I am likely going to have to help my son deal with all kinds of crap occurring in my ex's life. Sucks. But unfortunately, we don't have any control over what will happen.
((hugs)) Hope you can find a peaceful path through all this. I don't think it is worth worrying too much about - concentrate on having and enjoying good experiences with your girls!
Thanks,
I have met this woman breifly when she came 2 months ago. I was pretty adament about doing so since my ex wanted to leave her alone with the girls the first day she came. She has two boys that would be moving here with her after they got married. He still has not even met them yet. They are 16 and 17 years old. I just don't want them rebelling against her and him by doing anything to my girls. Does that make sense?
She was just here for Thanksgiving break. Left to go back today. Ex set up a bed in his spare bedroom for her as long as the girls were staying with them.The girls came back to my house last night and supposedly she stayed at the hotel. The reason they gave the girls for her to stay at a hotel was so "They wouldn't end up sleeping together before they got married." This is information I don't think an 11 and 10 YO need to know. He says he is trying to show the girls how to do things by the Bible.
All this after his first marriage failed.He thought she was PG so he married her. They were together for 12 years. Then it was no problem for me to move in with him before we got married. I didn't get PG til after it was official. Then after me he has a 2 year relationship that ended up producing another child. Dumped her and is all of a sudden this major perfect christian? What gives? He always twists the Bible to fit his needs and is trying to suck the girls into his way of thinking. He would have a total fit if the Davinci Code were true.
Well I guess I have vented enough for today. Thanks for listening.
K