In need of something

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
In need of something
4
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 2:31pm
Im just not sure what. In the last sixty days I have learned my husband was having an affair with an old school friend. Moved from my home in New York to be with my oldest daughter in Georgia and truly seeing my self esteem has gone to zero. I cant seem to get passed the fact I was kicked to the curb for a woman 10 years my senior. I cared for my husband through a heart attack, cancer and a huge move. The marriage is over, yet I cant seem to let go of the resentment towards him and this woman. Thoughts of revenge (informing her husband) and the feeling of being nothing prevail. Now I find out I have to return to New York to obtain any support or compensation from my husband through a divorce there. Here in Georgia I am not entitled to any community property or alimony and I am unable at this time to earn an income to support myself and youngest daughter. (from a prior marriage) There is no one to speak with here or there that I could afford and few friends remain. I dont mean to sound as if I am helpless. I am employed here in Georgia. Just very alone and at a loss. I want to stop feeling useless and lost. I just do not truly know where to start. Im 48 (no spring chicken here) Is there a chat or a workshop of some sort that anyone knows of?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:43pm

There are a few things you can do. First of all go back and get the divorce finalized. Get a job there, build a life for yourself until the divorce is final. You can run from your problems but you can't hide. IF you don't take care of this now it will come back to huant you later in life. AGE IS JUST A NUMBER! Don't dewel on things like how old you are that you won't have a fututre you make of like what you want out of it. There are community church gatherings for people going through divorce - and you can go to them even if you aren't that religion. It is just a place to talk about things with people who are going through the same thing. I am going to leave you with my favorite quote ever PLEASE READ IT CAREFULLY!!!

Good luck to you and hugs, be strong you can make it through anything. Christina
_______________________________________________________________________
I am the architect of my life. I may change myself at any time, I may choose a different path. I become what I allow to affect me.

It is my decision to respond to and receive experience. It is my perception that shapes my reality. At any time I may change my perception and my reality will become new.

I may build a new foundation of values; I may decide at any moment of my existence to accept or refuse a standard of living.

I may create new aspects of my personality and it will become me because I decided so.

I am the fullest potential that I accept for myself. The most awesome power that I yield is the ability to change everything that defines who I am by erasing what is now and writing a new story.

The story of my life will be written by my choices and the ending is as much as I can imagine. I am every decision that I accept as my own.
Understand. I am the architect of my life." -Shane L. Durbec

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:34am

Hello and Welcome to the board... although I'm sorry that you find yourself in need of being here.


Residency laws..... not-so-sweet after you move..... but if filing in NY works to your advantage anyway.... then that sounds like the smart thing to do.


You asked about chat. This board (with my co-cl) hosts a chat tonight.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 12:21pm
Just an update, I went back to New York and filed the seperation and finacial agreement.
No problems with that at all as the ex has begun to feel guilty I guess. I retained an attorney there and have returned home to Georgia where my employment and family are. After a tremendous amount of thought I have come to the conclusion that what was damaged more than my heart was my self esteem. So now I am focusing on repair and renewal. Im not completely over the whole situation but I have found that by working on myself I dwell less on the situation. So wish me luck and thank you both for the advice! Ill be back
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 4:37pm

Thanks for the update!


When I was in that healing mode... rebuilding myself.... I read... a LOT!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~