Needing assurance....2nd time around
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-26-2006 - 6:23pm |
Hi all,
I am looking for some support. Last night my husband of three years got very drunk and began ranting on and on about how worthless I am, how bad a mother I am, how much of a loser I am....it goes on. I went part time to be home more with the kids about 6 months ago and since then when ever he drinks (which is maybe once a month, but huge binges) he gets very verbally abusive. I am at my wits end. This is my second marriage. My kids are from my first marriage. They are 8 and 7 years old. They do not have any memory of their biological dad (he left us when they were both still in diapers and has not kept in touch). My kids have gotten very close to my current husband and call him Dad. I am so torn. I know that my husband loves me but he also hates me. He has grown to resent me. I can't imagine having to live like this for 10 more years(til the kids are out of high school). Today my husband just up and left the house to go into work (he has been working weekends alot). (By the way, before anyone jumps to conclusions he is cheating on me, he is not....he works for Intel. The company works all their employees this way.) He is acting like I am at fault for his outbursts and that I am the one with all the problems. I know that is not true. At this point counseling is futile, since I am falling out of love with him very quickly. I found myself today day dreaming of being single again and I liked it. But what about my kids? Am I totally screwing them up relationship wise? A mother with TWO divorces under her belt is pathetic. I am so scared and sad. Anyone have some helpful advice?
Thanks for listening.
Hillary

Hugs, Brenda
Brenda,
Thank you for responding. I am just heartbroken. It does help to be able to find a message board like this, though. It is so sad that these boards are needed as much as they are. But anyhow, I don't know what to do. Now my husband is backpedeling and saying he wants to go to counseling. I just don't see the point. He only wants to go cause he is certain the therapist will agree with him. It is so dang hard. My boys are really attached to him. He is a awesome father. Very supportive of them and always so good with them. That is really what makes it hard for me. If he was bad to them, it would be no question what I would do. But since it is only me getting hurt, I think that I should stick it out for their sakes. I mean this is #2 for me. I just don't know what to do. The thought of being intimate with my husband truely revolts me at this point. What kind of marriage could we have? Do you think I should try counseling? Or should I just cut my loses and hope my boys will understand. I will have to move temporarily into my mothers guest house. Not my idea of fun, but it will keep my kids in their school. The thought of starting over scares me to death. And the heartache I feel when I think of the good times is so hard. I just can't believe I could manage to get into another bad relationship. Maybe I need personal therapy. This board it therapy for me, seeing how similar my problems are to others out there.
Thank you again for being so kind as to respond to my thread. I am new to this board and it was so heart warming to know someone out there wants to help.
all my best to you and yours,
Hillary
Hugs, Brenda
Hi Hillary,
My heart goes out to you and your children. Going through a divorce the first time is hard enough, so I can only imagine how you feel contemplating divorce a second time.
I guess most of us go through various stages before we make the big decision. For years, I didn't want to get a divorce because of the kids. The kids really do pick up the tab, and it is so unfair to them. But who said life is fair? For me, it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. And I also realized that kids are resilient and most of them would rather have happy parents than miserable ones.
Take care.
Mirra