Nervous wreck

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Nervous wreck
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 9:38pm

Today, my STBX, who is still living in our house, came up to my floor--which he never does. We agreed to go to lunch together, and immediately after sitting, he asked how I was. I asked him, "Physically or emotionally?" (I have been sick.) He did not respond, so I said I was starting to feel better physically, and that I was doing a bit better emotionally, that I was trying to keep in mind that what is meant to happen will happen. I was so surprised that he asked how I was. I do not think in all our 9 years together he ever asked this, and it made me happy.

For about 2 seconds. He proceeded to tell me that he needed to talk to me. He said that as I know, he and my former best friend/assistant have been keeping in touch via email and telephone. (I just learned it this week--and not because he told me.) He said that she's pressuring him concerning the future--if they are going to begin a life together, start a family, etc. He said that he does want a family, and that they have so much in common. He said that he is questioning if he and I ever loved one another, and that he knows he loves her, but that he's just not quite ready to make this major step--and that he's not sure he will not hurt her and that she deserves the best. I tried not to puke up my lunch at this point and to retain my composure. For the record, I did pretty well on both fronts. Anyway, he said that he wants to work on figuring out what will truly make him happy. He said that he thought he needed to see her, to tell her that he's just not ready to give her what she wants and may never be.

Hard as it was, I supported his decision to see her. WELL, that was exactly 5 hours ago now! 5 hours! I am going nuts! It does not take 5 hours to end a relationship. It is my guess that he sucked him back in--and this, after I left her a voicemail a few days ago, telling her to back the f*ck off until he and I figured out how to proceed.

I texted him over an hour ago, and of course, no reponse. I am livid and expecting the worst. I am trying so hard not to call either of them. I would absolutely love to be face-to-face with this backstabbing b*tch right about now. And at this point, I wonder why I love my STBX at all.

:( Thanks for listening.