Never saw it coming

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Never saw it coming
2
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:03pm
My husband of 7 years told me almost a month ago that he did not love me anymore, but he thought that we could work on this for our kids. I never even saw it coming. It was like he just woke up one morning and decided he did not love me anymore. I have six weeks left of the nursing program and for the last couple months we have been making all sorts of plans on what we were going to do when I finished school. He was even talking to me about moving out of state. He seemed so happy. When he told me he said that he had not been happy for a long time and that he did not think it would be a surprize to me because I was unhappy too. The things is I was not unhappy and I really love him. A few days after he told me that he did not love me anymore he said he did not want to be married anymore. He moved out a few days later. He told me that he was leaving because we argue all of time and it is affecting our children, but the thing is we didn't really argue that much. The day that he told me that he wanted a divorce he also told me that he had feelings for this woman that he works with but that was not the reason that he was leaving. He said that I was just like her and that I have a lot in common with her. I feel like he is trading our family for her and her children. I feel like our marriage never meant anything to him. He never once said anything to me about being unhappy and that we needed to work on this. He explained away all the nice, romantic things that he did for me as that was just him trying to make this work, it was not because he loved me. He goes out with this other woman now and takes her places and does stuff with her that he would not do with me. He always told me that it was to far to take our kids to the babysitter but he drives over an hour to see her. He is my bestfriend. I have been with him since I was 16. Now he will not hardly talk to me. I am falling apart inside and I do not know how to hold it together long enough to make it through school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:55am

Sweetheart, You must finish school. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But I can say you are not alone. My husband (of 15 years) informed the same. He has not moved out (yet), I guess I should make him but I am holding out. I love my husband and have cried a river of tears. I am assuming he is interested in someone else but I am not certain. He says he is just not "into me anymore". My kids do not know yet but I know they have got to realize something is up?

It sounds like you are younger than me so my only consolation to you is that at least you are finding this out now instead of ten years away. I am trying to come to terms with "it is better to be divorced at 40 rather than 50, or 60..." I do not think divorce may be easier younger or older but if it is the way of the world there is nothing we can do to stop it. I have atleast stopped short of begging my husband to love me. I am trying to hold onto some ounce of respect for myself.

Good luck, there is alot of great information here that helps you realize you are not alone.
Kris

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 2:18pm
Jeesh, reading your post sounds just like me. Tho our stories are different in many ways, our husbands sound the same. For me, my husbands "other" woman is a brown bottle. He drinks EVERY day but the things that he says to me sound so much like what your husband says to you. My husband has now moved out...I've heard rumors of course of other woman but I never saw it for myself so I have no proof. I also feel like he was my best friend. We've been together since we were both 18, we are both now 32. We have been married for 5 years and have a beautiful 3 year old son. I told him everything...I depended on him to be my support system...the best friend I could run to with good or bad news...now he just treats me like I'm one of his old pals! We have spoken about divorce...we have decided to hold off, "for now". Whether that means it will happen or not is another thing. It breaks my heart to think of him with anyone else. I go to bed so lonely every night and that in itself can be the death of you. It makes me angry to think I am so lonely while he is out living it up!!! But every morning I wake up, look at my son and know that HE needs me, HE depends on me, HE's the reason I'm waking up!!! It took a lot of tears and anger to make me realize that you know what? I can do this...even on my worst days, I can do this. I'm here if you ever need to talk...email me...I'm always here!! I could go on and on and type and type...but I truely believe what helps us is each other...so depend on your friends, family, kids...whoever...but don't EVER let him make you feel like you are NOT worth loving...he's the one with the problem...not you. Keep your head up, get up, finish school, make a life for you and your kids...they are who you are living for...they can be your best friends...someone once told me, when you first wake up in the morning, think of one good thing worth lving for...then get up out of bed and get on with the day. It does help...take care!!!