Never should have divorced? HELP
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| Fri, 02-22-2008 - 12:51am |
It has been almost a year and a half since my husband and I (three years, no children) got divorced. I am still not over it. I somethimes think that I am getting better, but it seems that I am only revisiting the pain more and more deeply as time goes on.
The problem is that I asked him to move out initially and then he asked me for a divorce, but I never found out from him what his reasoning was. I was under the impression at the time that we would go to counseling and try to figure it out. He then called one day and said, "I don't want anything with you. I just want a divorce." I was young and pig-headed and thought to myself, "OK. He wants a divorce. I'll GIVE him a divorce."
Now time has passed and I am miserable. I know what my mistakes were. I understand his. I take responsibility for mine and I don't hold any grudges. I want to reach out to him to somehow make things right or get closure. Or something.
He refuses to talk to me. He does not answer emails or letters. He says I need to get over it and move on. I have not called him directly because I am petrified and do not want to make a fool of myself yet again.
What do I do? I feel like my life is on hold. I can't sleep. I keep dreaming of him. Advice, please.

Surfqueen,
My first piece of advice is stop contacting your EX. Every time you do, he tells you to "get lost" and you feel rejected all over again. It's not too different from picking the scab off a wound: it never heals.
Then, I encourage you to seek counseling for yourself. You say you know your mistakes and understand him better in retrospect. That's good because it means you'll be less likely to make those errors in the future. A professional therpaist can help you frame what it is you need from your life and any future partner.
Your Ex clearly does not want to speak with you much less discuss his reasons for leaving the marraige. (Even if he told you it would be another source of anguish for you because then you'd spend more time wondering why or what you could have done, should have done, or would have done to change things. That's a dead end too.)
So stop contacting him. That's the first step in moving on for you. The second is picking up the phone and making an appointment with a therapist.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Learn to spell. Some commonly misspelled words on this board:
They're = contraction of "they are"; They're going to the store.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Hi Surfqueen,
I agree wtih the other poster that you need to stop contacting him and to seek some counseling.