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| Tue, 01-22-2008 - 2:01pm |
Hi everyone. I randomly just stumbled across this page on a google search and I need some help from someone unbiased. I have a hard time making decisions so something like this is an impossible mountain to me!
I am 24 and have been married for 5 years and love my husband but I'm confused! We don't have any kids and have suffered two miscarriages that really took their toll on me and caused a lot of problems.
10 months ago I had an affair with a guy (only last a week) and my husband knew, but (while I knew it was wrong) I figured this would cause a divorce so what was done was done. Well my husband got us into couselling and wanted to stay and told me he'd change some things so I broke it off with the other guy. And I felt horrible that I even had the affair!! I apologized constantly and was trying to go above and beyond and took full responsiblity.
Well 10 months later my husband is still having a hard time dealing with it and probably once a month he'll explode and tell me he wants a divorce. Then either I calm him down or he calms down and we move on. But will this ever stop? Can we get past this?
And we have very big difference. My husband is more of a punk, alternative type. Likes punk/rock music, likes the punk look in a girl and I'm not that way at all. My type of guy is the "cowboy" type. And I was this way before the affair and of course thats what "type" of guy the other guy was.
So me and DH were talking about it last night and I was saying I didn't think he'd ever accept that we had the differences and it's not fair to ask either one to change and he said he doesn't think he could ever dress the cowboy part, etc b/c of the other guy.
So I'm not sure what to do. I love him, but did I marry him b/c I love him? Or did I marry him b/c I was 19 and it meant freedom from my parents? And we've been together 6 years. How can I live without him? As far as this is all I've known for 6 years and I wouldn't even know what to do! And I have no idea how to make a decision like this so any help would be great!
Thanks for reading all of this...

Hi
As someone who was betrayed herself, I'm not a 100% sure if i'm the rigth person to give advice. I understand your H for still being suspicious of you, and this may never go away. You violated him and he has every right to be suspicous or wary. You may know for yourself you would never do it again, but for someone else these are just words. Especially since you vowed to be faithful and you didn't.
However aside from that, it sounds like you are not sure of your marriage either. You seem to have many doubts. You want to ask yourself, are these serious doubts? Or excuses for yourself because deep down you may not want to face his distrust? If you really doubt your relationship and don't feel you belong together anymore, then break up. It will be hard and painful, but it is the right thing to do. You are both still young, you can move on and maybe get a more fulfilling and hopefully more mature relationship.
If you are making excuses for yourself as not to face his distrust, maybe you need to seek counselling. You have created this chaos and you need to solve it. There needs to be complete openness from your side. If you are more accepting of your H's fear, maybe you can work through this.
If you know for sure you only married him to get out of the house, and you have no intentions to stick with him through thick and thin, then let him go. It was wrong to marry him in the first place. I know you love him, but was it the kind of love to stick together no matter what comes your way? If your answer is no, then leave him. Save both of you the heartache of finding out later that you don't want to be together.
No matter what you chose, it will be hard. I wish you good luck
Confused,
"I love him, but did I marry him b/c I love him? Or did I marry him b/c I was 19 and it meant freedom from my parents?" Only you know the answer to that question.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Hi,
L2B