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| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 2:57pm |
Hello, Everyone
I've learked on this board once before when I was having problems with my dh and him deciding if he wanted kids. Well, I thought we had worked our problems out and was working on our marriage to start a family. It all came to an end Friday evening when I got home from work he tells me he needs to go away for a few days and if I wanted this to work I would not get mad and let him go. I asked why he must just leave for a few days and not talk about what the problem is he told me he needed to get away from me for a few days. He stayed gone all weekend saying he slept in his truck Fri. night and with a friend Sat. night. Didn't return until 9 Sun. night to take a shower and leave again, he came back around midnight to tell me it wasn't working out and he didn't want to do this anymore.
I came back to work on Monday and called his cell to ask if he was serious, and he just flat out told me to leave and never come back. He was so mean to me, my mother and I went after work and started packing. He never showed any compassion what so ever to me until Today after I have totally moved out and in with my mom. He has blamed it on me, said he was filing today, then he calls crying saying he loves me and wants to talk about it. This has been coming for about 2yrs, he has been doing little things to push me away for awhile now and I can't deal with it. How do you get the strenght to move on? I'm already moved completely out of the house, took everything from towels to silverware. Now, he wants me to come home. He was so mean about it before, never once tried to stop me from leaving. I feel if he really loved me and wanted this to work he would have been there Mon. night trying to stop me, and would've been there yesterday when I got the rest of my stuff. He didn't even bother coming home Mon. night at all. How can I stick to it? The pain is unreal. He was my world, and he took my life from me. I just don't know where to start. Everyone tells me I'll be better off, and it would've never worked, but how can I get my heart to see that?
Stacy
Heartbroken.

Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
Hi Stacy,
First of all you need to take time for yourself. I know you love him and you are hurt and confused. But what do you want? What do you need? Is the relationship something you think is worth saving? You say this has been coming for two years. In that time, how do you feel? I imagine it has been like living your life on a rollercoaster.
Is it possible your husband has another woman? We see a lot of adultery here, and with your husband's "needing time away" I suspect a bit. But that may just be me.
Don't push yourself too much to decide everything right now, today. It sounds as if you are a strong person, you've already moved out and dealt with the house and his back & forth attitude. But it also sounds as if you have some good family support in your mom. May I suggest, if you want to talk things out, maybe suggesting counselling or couples therapy for you and your h?
Good luck, and keep us posted. Come here whenever you need to.
:)
Hi sweetie,
Well, I am proud of you for moving out. No one deserves to be treated that way. Congrats for that.
As far as the phone calls go........ I think we all go through this. I think it is a good old fashioned case of "I don't know what I want". My ex did it, your ex did it..... I bet half of the board has an ex that did that.
The bottom line is what other posters have said in response. You have to do what is right for YOU. Do you want to live with him knowing that at anytime he could change his mind again and want you out? Do you want to be with someone who cannot keep a promise or stick to a decision not even thinking of what this emotional roller coaster is doing to YOU? It just isn't fair to keep you going UP and DOWN.......
I think time will tell. Yes it is hard to hear him say the things he says. You want to take him back and start living "happily".... but sweetie, right now that happy part, won't happen. He is in a tough place and needs time to decide what he wants too. You need to stand strong STAY moved out.... and just give it time.
I am so sorry for the roller coaster your on, please remember that everything happens for a reason and your reason will come to you soon enough.
Hugs,
Angelena
Stacy-
HUGS-
My advice is to remain at your mothers - stay separated - but if you both are willing go to marriage counseling. Once the counselor gives you the ok THEN move back in...but if you go back now NOTHING will change.