A new attitude

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
A new attitude
3
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 11:01am

After 5 years of fighting, I suddenly have realized that it is my attitude that determines my ability to deal with the ex. I have spent so much time trying to make him a better father, when he did something hurtful to the children I would immediately call or email him to tell him what he did and why it was wrong. Well, that ALWAYS ended badly, with him on the defensive and me being the "mother bear".

So, for the last couple of weeks, there has been NO communication except for the "what time are you picking up" type emails. I have not spoken to him on the phone at all. The other night, my daughter was crying about something her dad had done - any other time, I would have contacted him to tell him she was crying herself to sleep and what a horrible thing he had done and couldn't he tell how he was hurting her? But, I didn't - I have learned that it does no good, he would never, ever, ever admit he was wrong and it just causes more trouble. I had to fight with myself, I really wanted to tell him off, but I kept my mouth shut and dealt with my daughter.

Today is Independence Day and I am finally on the road to my personal independence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
In reply to: singermom3
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:06pm
I almost fell out of my chair reading your post.I could have wrote it myself.STBX Hardly ever has anything to do with dd especially in the summer when he would rather be out riding around on his harley with gf.dd daughter just made a comment saturday how she hadnt had any contact with him for a month.This past weekend was suppose to be his weekend with her and like all the others for the past 2 months or more she hears nothing from him she didnt even hear from him on the 4th.I was upset and so was she and wanted to send him a nasty text about what a loser he is and I stopped myself like I have been doing lately because that is what he is expecting me to do and like you said it does no good he is just a selfish jerk that thinks about nobody but himself and then has the nerve to blame everything about this divorce on me.It was really hard last night because dd was crying because she was upset about some other things to butI know that was bothering her too.It just makes me sick how he can go for weeks having nothing to do with her no phone calls, not even a text message and not even care how bad he is hurting her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: singermom3
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:47pm

You're a very smart woman ;-)


Celebrate your "independence" every day!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: singermom3
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:57pm

I honestly believe it's all about "engaging" with you (or me, as the case may be) instead of about their children. These men are still trying to control us, this time by hurting us through our kids. I think the less interaction, the better. Once my ex realizes I am not going to rise to the bait, it won't be as fun for him!

Hang in there, together we can shut down the roller coaster of emotions and just be who we really are and take care of our kids (at least your daughter has you to be her rock)