New to this board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
New to this board
4
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 8:49am

My husband of 24 years moved into an apartment over the weekend to decide whether he wants to be with me or another woman he's been infatuated with for the last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
In reply to: jenjz
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 6:31pm

I am a firm believer in NOT SHARING! I am worth soooo much better! I deserve so much more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenjz
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 6:52pm

Find ways to start letting him go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: jenjz
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 8:05pm

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2006
In reply to: jenjz
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 1:02pm

Hi Jen,


I think every one of us has been where you are. It definitely stinks!


I was you.... My ex hubby left me pregnant with our second child for another woman that he had for sure been cheating on me with. Said he loved me one day and then boom, the next he would rather be with her. It hit me HARD.


I went through all the emotions. Feeling alone, feeling like no one would want me because I would be a "single mom", feeling scared about money and being alone, WANTING him back SO BAD that it hurt every ounce of my body.....


The good news is that it goes away. First you have to realize that YOU are better than "second best" and that your marriage was worth more to YOU than just a fling in the wind. You have to realize that his relationship with her, if he so chooses her, will NEVER last. You have to know that its HIS FAULT that you are in this mess and you have to get angry.


For me it was the moment that I spent Christmas night alone with my newborn baby and my then 4 year old son on the computer talking to him and her. I thought it would be a good idea to be friends with her..... ( SLAP MYSELF AND I HIGHLY DO NOT RECOMMEND IT...lol ) Anyway, they told me that night that they were "in love". I got mad. I packed ALL of his things. All of his clothes that were still at our house ( because he was telling me he was deciding whether to be with me or not.... leaving his clothes with me meant he still lived there ) I packed ALL of the family pictures and all of the reminders of him... for me it was DVD's. I know that sounds silly, but I would sit on the couch watching TV remembering where we bought each movie and it brought back AWFUL memories of happiness and would make me cry.... I packed all of those DVD's and tossed ALL of it into the back hallway leading outside and told him to come and get them NOW or I would throw it all in the street. After some fighting, he did. I even threw the sexy undies from our honeymoon in that bag.... haha. That was more of a jab for her... not him..lol. needless to say from that point on, I was angry.


I knew I deserved better. I knew I deserved a faithful man who loved me for me... no matter what my ex said about me... and he said some good ones to make himself look better to her....


You have to know that there ARE men out there who deserve to be with you. There are men out there who will accept you for you..... ALL of you.


You HAVE to realize YOUR WORTH IT.


Waiting around for him to make his decision is NOT healthy for you. Believe me.... OMG, I went through all of it... I waited for months... from July until Xmas night. That was a long time of crying and being miserable for DAYS and most of all it took time away from my son, who was going through a loss of his father being around all the time too.


I started with reconnecting with old friends. I joined this board and was a CL for a long time. This board found me some GREAT friends who I still talk to. The internet is a wonderful thing. FIND TIME to search for old friends. Even the ones that you thought would never talk to you again, you would be surprised. Find other things to keep you busy, for me it was the internet. I would spend A LOT of time on AIM or Yahoo messenger chatting. It made the day go faster and kept my mind off of the bad. Eventually, in January, I started dating. Yes, it was too soon. I started dating to get back at my ex.... part of that whole anger thing. I would ask him to watch the kids so I could go out on a date.... and the first couple of guys were just first dates, but it worked. Before long I was on the phone a lot, on the internet with different people and today I am with someone else. Someone better and someone who deserves to be with me. Someone who loves every ounce of me, good and bad.


As for my ex and that "girl"... they broke up 3 years later. She left him with no car, no job and noplace to live. Karma is truly applicable to this situation.... times 3. But, after she was gone.... he came calling back to me and I had the pleasure of saying, "Im just not that into