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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
New to this board
1
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:02pm

I posted this on the domestic abuse board and since I am going through a divorce I thought I'd share my story....

I am in the process of ending a 13 year relationship, approximately 5 years of which have been lets say, a roller coaster. We have had our good times and bad times and it wasn’t until the last two years that things got much worse. My husband is verbally abusive, manic depressive, possibly bipolar (but I dare not ask him about any of his past therapy sessions for fear of getting my head ripped off), has major anger issues, and has social anxiety and possibly a drinking problem. After 4 separations and a partial filing of a divorce in January, I am finally doing it. I’ve already contacted my lawyer and he is putting everything together, hopefully to file next week. Then we will have our court date and thankfully I can relax once again. There is too much to tell but in a nutshell no matter what I say or how I say it, DH has always either taken the other side or argued with me or told me whatever argument we were having was my fault, would blame be for his shortcomings, you name it he has done it. Its been awful walking on eggshells and in fear of saying the wrong thing to set him off. He has thrown things, not at me, but in our house, broke two windows, punched a hole in the wall, broke some picture frames etc etc. I just can’t take it anymore so I am severing my ties once and for all. Each time we got back together he promised to go to therapy, get on meds, this that and the other thing and each time he would go to maybe 4 sessions and then stop and we would be back to square one yelling , fighting etc. So I am hoping for his sake and the sake of our son and unborn child (due in November) that he finally seeks help and gets treatment. Maybe I could know him again then. But for now I need to say goodbye. I miss him terribly but I miss him 5 years ago. Not this angry man he has become.

This song, by Kelly Clarkson, fits us to a T.

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what is after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what is after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what is after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He’s beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 3:44pm

Hi!


I'm glad that you are finding help at the domestic abuse board.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~