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| Tue, 01-09-2007 - 11:30pm |
Hi everyone, I am new to this board, but not to ivill. I decided today that I am gettinga divorce after 8 years of a stormy marriage. I have 4 kids, 2 prev and 2 with my husband. I have been living wiwth verbal and emotional abuse for 90% of my marriage and with a rager. I feel so lonely now, and really guilty and I cant explain it. He raged on me last night and smashed a drinking glass less than 2 ft from my sleeping 5 year olds head, and it just did something to me, I just cannot allow this anymore. He is verbally abusive to all the kids but especially me and he doesnt care about the little eyes watching, he gets into rages and trys to intimidate me by screaming obscenities in my face, and throwing things. I have tried so hard over the years to protect my children but I think its gone too far. The weird thing is is that I kNOW this is over, but I feel sooooo guilty, and its the guilt that makes me the peacemaker. Although I must admit I have no intention of patching this up, I want him out of the house and I plan on entering therapy with my kids.I have so many fears , I know this is going to sound silly but I keep thinking about him moving on an dfinding someone else and its bugging me, so silly, so many insecurities I guess, any advice on trying to get thru this stage would be so helpful. Thank u.

Hi Yasmin - I am so sorry for what you are going through. Sadly though, I can relate. I would recommend that you visit the Dealing with domestic abuse/violence board as that is indeed what his behaviour is. The fact that you feel guilt and want to keep the peace are very normal.
Please pop on over there for some extra support as you go through this process.
((((((hugs))))))
Rose
Everyone is right. The children must come first here. You cannot allow them to live in that house full of unpredictability and tension. It's not doing anyone any favors and it's not healthy for any of you. I hope that both boards are able to help you through this.
This is rough. I had an abusive father (he died in my teens), and all I can do still to this day is wish that my mom would have had the strength to leave him. It's really horrible on those kids.
Good luck to you. Keep us updated.
S
When it is time it is time and that is all, I see a new beginning for me and the children full of good times and peaceful days. That is my hope, despite it all I wish him the best, I have no grudge, I just want my life back. Yesterday I took it back.
Thanks again, I will keep all posted.
My husband for years manipulated me financially and played on my weakness', for example he knew how important it was for me to be a good mother to my children, snd how much I invested my time in them, putting my career on hold, my education on hold for them(I was a medical school hopeful) so when ever we had a situation he would withhold money from me, which limited my activities with my children. Or he would verbally attack the kids my yelling at them which he knew killed me, so he was a real piece of work. I am seeing all the damage in my mind like a movie an dKNOW I am better off without him.
I wish you all the best, I am sending caring thought sto comfort you while you ar ein the midst of this crisis, take care of yourself and evreytime you feel the guilt humble yourself and try thanking whatever higher power you believe in for the day you have made it thru, its amazing how gratitude can change your outlook. I swear it works.
Take care