new to the board
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 04-30-2006 - 1:12pm |
Well, I can't believe I'm joining a divorce message board. I still can't even believe I'm getting a divorce. My husband left two weeks ago, and I think I've already gone through the stages of grief several times through...sadness, denial, PO'ed, happy as a lark, back to sadness. (I have no idea what the real stages are...but that's what I've been feeling).
We've had a terrible marriage for a long time. Our relationship has been more of a poorly-suited for each other roommate situation. So really, I've wanted out for a while too. But we have an almost 11 month old baby, so I thought we should at least try to work it out before throwing in the towel...for her sake. He's not willing to work at it, so I'm going to propose we take whatever steps to make this as quick and painless as possible. Hopefully we will be able to come to an agreement w/o mediation and court. We'll both end up in the hole if we bring lawyers into this. Ugh.
Anway, if anyone wants to share anything...that maybe you're in the starting phase too, or maybe you've gotten over the hump of disbelief...I'd love to hear what others are going through. Even though I'm starting to accept that I too want out of this relationship, my stomach continues to stay in knots, the reminders of him and our past can still bring me to tears. Even though I truly believe that I'll have a good life once I get to the other side of this, it just stinks having to go through this part of it.
Thanks for listening.
:-)
Beth in TX

Well, divorce is worse than death. Last year I took care of my terminally ill husband. This year, we got separated so it's just me and my son in this huge house. Last month, STBX filed for divorce. It has been a luckluster marriage for 5 years and we were living like roommates buy stayed together for son's sake. I begged him not to got through with the divorce in light of his cancer and our finances. He is depressed and mad. I'm having a hard time being a single mom and sad. My son is missing his dad. Unfortunately, STBX is now only an "every-other-weekend" OEW dad and fighting for his life. Divorce is in process and we'll be fighting in court. My son mentioned this morning, "divorce is a bad word" and "i want my dad to pick me up". DS wants to see his father but what can I do? Divorce sucks !!!
Hugs from,
Cerebral_one from CA
Welcome to our board! We're glad you found us.
Reading those words, I can see you're a wise woman! Divorce is traumatic, however you slice it. Like you, I was in a very unhappy marriage for many years. I knew divorce was the right choice, but that didn't stop it from tearing me apart. When my ex and I separated for the first time three years ago, I was devestated. Practically non-functional. I would obsess about my life and cry for hours a day. I could barely focus on work. Fortunately, counseling, family and friends helped me through. At the time, I honestly thought I would NEVER feel better.
My therapist told me to start envisioning a happy, peaceful life. Envision the type of place I'd like to live in, the kind of love I eventually want to find...etc. I forced myself to envision a positive future for myself, instead of dwelling on disaster all the time, which I tend to do. It helped immensely. When I'd start to obsess and feel overwhelmed, I'd picture a good future for me and my son.
So here I am today, finally divorced. And I can tell you, my life is 100 times better than it ever was before. I have a modest home, but it's my own. My son's doing well at school, and I'm enjoying my job working from home. I had the chance to cruise to Bermuda last year, auditioned for a play, and met someone amazing. In my days of dispair, I never would have thought it was possible.
There is a great book out there that I recently read. It's called Cutting Loose. It chronicles the lives of 50 women who go on to have happy anf fulfilling lives after their divorces. It really shows you that life can, and does, go on after divorce. I highly reccoment it.
Please stick around and post often.
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank
I am in your phase...just filled out the papers. I have been living in the shadows of his ex and baggage for 5 years now. His kid has grown to be...just like his ex and his ex is STILL jealous and says horrible things that eventually get around to my daughter. I had to leave to keep my girl safe no matter how much I love him. So, ther goes my life that we built together, and there goes the father (not bio) that I chose to be involved in her life. We start all over again. Many financial difficulties with this decision and I am not sure how I will pay the bills, but I know I didn't want to take the backseat to his stupid baggage anymore.
Good luck to you. Hope you were able to get out of bed today...i spent the weekend in my room.