New to the board and confused...
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| Mon, 09-10-2007 - 8:55pm |
Hi everyone! I am new to the board and was hoping for a little advise. I am 38 years old and on my second marriage. We were married Oct 06. My husband is active military and got home from a one year deployment in Sept. Him being active military has brought to light all kinds of issues onto itself. I am not a typical Army wife in fact he is the first military person I have known. We do not live on base so I don't have interaction with other military people. With that said... last week he came to me and said that he feels trapped and overwhelmed. He moved into my house, he does not feel he has anything of his own, he has to have another surgery and will be deployed again for a forth time. He did not say he wants a divorce but expressed that he has "issues" within himself to work out. If he cannot work them through our marriage will end. This past week has been very difficult because he is still nice to me and in some way acts as though everything is ok and yet he is very distant. I expressed to him last night how difficult that is for him to be nice and distant for me. He said he will be distant and want to be close to me at different periods. We decided that for this week, while his daughters are at their mom's (they are on a week on/week off schedule) he will go and stay on base in order to give me some breathing room and allow him some perspective on the situation in attempts for him to work through things as we want to remain married. In two weeks we can evaluate if we want to separate again while the girls are not here. He brought up the topic of sex. What do I want to do about sex? I am completely confused as to if we should or should not when he is home. Sex has always been very important and a great thing between us, in fact our entire relationship is good it is just he is having issues with himself. Is cutting off that part of our relationship a good thing. We are trying to work towards a positive end and I don't want there to be more tension when we are trying to work towards him working through his issues.
My first husband up and left me for someone else two days before my birthday so there was no separating or anything...he walked out and 60 days later we were divorced. I am in unfamiliar territory now.
I appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.
Cyndi

I guess that my feeling is that sex usually complicates things.... that's not to say that spending intimate time together wouldn't be appropriate, but I'd think that sex would just cloud the perspective.
Today's military life is rough.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~