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| Mon, 04-04-2005 - 10:42pm |
Well, I am in the middle of my divorce and some days I can't wait for it to be over, and some days I wish he would never leave and we would just live together and forget this ever happened. My stbx has a severe gambling problem. I knew before we got married that he had a problem, but he went to gamblers anonymous (sp) and was fine for several years. We have a dd who is 19 months old and means the world to me. Ever since she was born he has been gambling worse than ever. Unfortunately, I did not find out about this until her first birthday party. He left to go to the OTB. This was in August. When everything came out, he promised to get help, blah blah blah. We tried to work on it w/therapy, etc. but he could never be honest. He wants his freedom to do what he wants. I finally filed for divorce in Feb. We have been still been living together and at times it is if nothing is happening between us. We have court tomorrow for temp custody, child support and alimony. He did not show up for the first court date-he overslept and blamed me for not waking him up. Now he just told me that he thought that court was today and can not make it tomorrow because he has an important meeting at work. When he told me this, I was furious. Work is more important than custody of his daughter. Of course he left to go watch the stupid basketball game and I am sitting here by myself sad again.
I am sorry this is so long, but it seems easier to just write it all out. Any idea on how to get over him when I still love him, but can't live with his life choices?
Thanks for listening.

Any idea on how to get over him when I still love him, but can't live with his life choices?
One of the hardest things about still living with STBX is being in limbo - you're not together, but you're not apart yet. Once I realized my ex and I wouldn't be able to work things out, I started trying to separate myself from him because I knew I needed to learn how to be just me instead of thinking of myself as half of a couple. I started doing things myself that we would normally do together. I had a few friends I could visit to get out of the house, talk about how I was feeling, etc. I set the spare room up as my space. First I just slept in there, and then gradually I spent more time there when we were both home-reading, watching TV, etc. I basically tried to stop thinking of him as my husband and tried to treat him like a roommate. It wasn't great, but it was less painful than trying to live like a couple when we weren't one. After a few months we were able to live separately, and that made things much easier.
i eventually swallowed my pride and moved in with a relative (short term).
after that it slowly got better.
im not going to lie it takes time but it WILL get better
:)
hugs
Cj,
I know very little about gambling addiction but you are probably experiencing the same kind of challenges as the spouse of any addict. I did some quick research online and came up with a link for Gamblers Anonymous (www.gam-anon.org). There is a link for family and friends of gamblers. See if you can get connected with others who have a loved one who is addicted to gaming.
I'd also strongly encourage you to see a regular counselor for help coping with the issues surrounding your pending divorce. It's no fun regardless of how justified you feel in filing and there's no substitute for getting support.
Good luck to you.
Wisdomtooh