New to the board...need to vent
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| Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:05pm |
Hi everyone. I am new to the board so I will give you a overall fast version of what has been going on.
In Febuary my husband out of the blue decided he did not want to be married anymore. Last month was 17 years that we have been married and have two daughters. Starting in Feb. he would come home from work get a shower and leave and go drink with his friends until late at night when our girls were already in bed. Sometimes he would come home drunk, sometimes not home at all, or sometimes in the wee morning hours. This even happend on weekends, from the time he got up until late at night.
From Feb. to July he was not seeing his kids but maybe 20 minutes a day and that was just passing them by. In July he walked out on us and insisted on living in a town about 15 miles from us. I had begged him to give us another chance, he claimed that he needed some time out on his own to think about us and than try to work things out. Turns out that his girl friend only lives about a mile from him so now I know why he wanted that town so bad.
Well once he moved out he ended up seeing the girls about 10 minutes a week which was only long enough to come by drop off some money $125.00 a week and leave. When he moved out he left me with our house payment of $775.00 we bought our home two years ago, than a couple of months before he started all of this we bought a new vechicle and he left me with that payment to of $375.00 plus all the other little bills and such. Yet only giving me $125.00 a week while he is bring home around $900.00 a week with his overtime.
I do a in-home job but the pay is not that great, it's been really hard on me and the girls. He still to this day thinks he has done nothing wrong!!!!!!! In October he left his cell phone at my house and my daughter was goingn through it and found the girl's phone number that i had heard he was seeing on his phone, quite a few calls. Well he came back for the phone and we got into it and I went to go out onto the deck and he came charging out after me and threw me down to the ground and yelled that I wasn't going to throw his phone. Well he ended up getting arrested and now it goes to trial on the 20th of this month. He claims I fell...not!!!!!!!!!
Well it has turned out that the girl I had heard that he was seeing was true, he was seeing her while still living here with me. She even had a live-in boyfriend for a long time and they were going behind his back to, and get this one they all work together!!
Well right after he was arrested I went and filed for divorce it's not what I wanted but I knew I needed to do it. I had it drawn up for supervised visits due to his drinking and he took me to court about a week ago to change it well the Judge went ahead and kept the supervised visits because out of caution for the drinking. He was mad!!!!!!!! I am still waiting for the approval for child support and maintance.
Well tonight I took my kids out to eat through the drive through and my youngest one yelled there's daddy! So I stopped and seen he was refilling his drink and waited until he came out and I asked if he wanted to see his girls and I noticed he had two drinks. When he came over I asked why he had two drinks and I said "she's with you isn't she' and he said yes she's in the bathroom, well about a minute later here comes his new little girlsfriend and her daughter. Oh, I was so mad, I said that I can't believe that he can spend time with her and her daughter but not his own. Why do they that!!!
I hope that one day it comes soon and he realizes what mistakes and the crap he put me and my girls through. It's all a party game to him, and on top of it all I have severe rheumatoid arthirtis and when the divorce is final I lose my insurance and he doesn't even care. Without my insurance just one of my medicines is going to be for 3 month supply $1500.00 I have no idea how I am going to do it.
Well sorry so long but needed to vent. I wish I could get over the pain and hurt.

Hi Havingfaith...live by your screen name. Have faith that one day, your pain and hurt WILL subside. The betrayal of your family hurts badly. This I know. But remember-you and your kids deserve better. You all deserve respect, love and trust. He's not giving this to any of you.
He will realize his errors in time. He will realize that the time he's lost with your kids is not replaceable. he will soon regret the decisions he's making now. It will come...believe me!!
You need to file for support and child support. He is responsible for 1/2 your marital bills-mortgage, bills, etc. get all your documentation in order. bring mortgage statements to court. Make copies of ALL credit card statements from the time he left (because you are responsible for these charges as well....even if he's gone). Contact an attorney to help you--and request either 1/2 or all of the fees to be paid by him.
As for insurance, I'm not sure what you can do...but does your state have a medicaid system? You will probably qualify for that for the time being.
Live one day at a time. Try not to focus on what he's doing and what he's done to your family. Focus on you and your kids. Don't badmouth him to your kids. They will in time make their own opinions. He's really digging his own grave (how old are your kids??). Make sure they know you love them and wont leave them. They are most likely going to have some separation issues with you for a short time.
Seek counseling for all of you if it seems to get to be too much for you to handle. Counseling can help clear the fog and help you make decisions that are right for you--not based on emotions...
HUGE hugs.
Hang in there. Keep the faith. You WILL be ok..in time!
Deb
Hi Deb,
Thanks for your post. I did file for divorce on Oct. 19th and in the temporay orders we had down that he pays for child support and maintance, however he took me back to court to lower the child support and no maintance, we went to court on Nov. 22nd and I am still waiting for the Judge to sign which one he will do. In the meantime he is still only paying me $125.00 a week and he's bringing home around $900.00 a week right now.
He left with no bills, his jeep is paid for and I was left with the house and new car payment which just between those two things are over a $1000.00 a month and that's not including utilities and everyday expenses as groceries and such.
It is so hard everyday going through this. I try to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of it but things keep running through my head, especially seeing him last night with his new girlfriend and her daughter, and my kids having to see that. Their ages are 17 and 8.
The Holidays are just the worse, this is the first time in 17 years we have not been together as a family and it's so hard. I hope one day he see's what he has done to us because right now he thinks he has done no wrong.
Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier, I am waiting for that day.
I completely feel your pain and I have been divorced since Sept and I am still in the phase you are in. If you have friends and family to lean on, use them. I have not been doing so well myself, but with their love and support I can at least look at my X. He lives next door and goes to the OW house so I cant see them together, a blow to me, but we are neighbors for the kids sake. I'm working that out in my mind and heart.
Talk your pain out, don't give up. Remember it is very much like grieving a death, well it is the death of a realtionship, and you will go thru all the emotions and stages. All normal and time will determine when the healing begins. Until then make yourself busy and have some fun!!! Get your nails done, go dancing with some girlfriends, do something you never ever did while married that you always had a passion for. My girls are my number one priority and I make time for me and my friends. 14 years was a long time for me and I know you have been married longer and it isn't an instantanous solution to the hurt and betrayal you are feeling, but forgive yourself for the anger and other feelings. It sounds like you are on the right path. As silly as it sounds your faith will works things out with the financial part. Creditors do take pity on divorce most of the time and you can explain to them your situation. Take care and I hope your path leads to some relief soon.
Bridget