new to this board~Worth the read~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
new to this board~Worth the read~
5
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 8:41pm

My divorce was final this past week~ no tears were shed, I did all that while I was married..all of 22 months and only five were living with him, but I continued to see him...I couldn't be the victim of all his lies, verbal abuse towards myself and my boys, and manipulation. Hiding my boys things and selling some of there stuff. He is 51 and I am 49. I am his 4th wife(yes, 4th) all his wives left him. Geeeezzzzz I wonder why???? He never told me about his very first wife and 3 children he had with her (he adopted those children to that wife and her new husband when the kids were 7, 5 and 3 yrs, now they are in there 20's with babies of there own that he never see's.SAD. In the first 4 months of marriage he locked me out of the bedroom twice, had to call the police once over, he wouldn't plow the driveway so I could get to work, but he drove right through it with his
truck. Told me to call someone to plow me out. The list of crappy things go on and on. we moved out after 4 months but still seen him and moved back in with him after 11 months of him begging me....He wanted me to sign a post nup and I didn't have a problem with that but I didn't want the corvette on it and he became outraged and told me that if I didn't sign it that I wouldn't like the consquences...5 days later my dog was gone..we left after 30 days of Hell. Two weeks after moving out again, he wanted me back....and when I couldn't do that in my heart of hearts, he wanted me to sign the papers..so I did....haven't talked to him for 3 weeks now...but I miss the good times we had like the golfing, trips, antique shopping, camping and we had a sexual chemistry like no other...

Why do I want to call or email him and ask him if he is happy now that he did this, but I know I shouldn't.

Why on earth do I get feeling sappy when he treated me so shi**y and If i feel that way I know he is feeling twice as bad...because he told me thats all he thinks about is me every
minute of the day...But when things don't go his way...watch out this is what he does...Thanks for listening to me..Victoria

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 8:02am
Count your blessings that you got out when you did.
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 11:20am

I agree with Sanguine...you are blessed to be out of this mess.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 11:34am

I think this seems to happen to all of us. My x wouldn't even mow the yard or start the lawn mower for me to mow. I find myself missing him too. It's been 4wks since our seperation. The divorce is in the process right now, but I still wish things would've been different. You just have to think it will never change, i have left 3-times before this, and it always goes back to the same crap not to mention he never wanted kids and lied to me for 7yrs about that. I have waisted alot of time with that man, and I'm not waisting anymore. Keep postive and no matter how bad you want to call or just hear his voice don't do it. I go through the same stuff, I just want to hear him, but I will not scoop down to his level. I'm trying to move on and it's hard, I do have bad days, his bad days are hiting him now. His been calling and telling me he misses me, even tried to talk to me yesterday about us, but I just told him move on with someone who doesn't want kids, b/c I do and I"m not giving that up for any man. I will find me a good man that loves me and wants the samethings out of life as me.
Keep weighing the bad moments to the good, and if it's like mine the bad definitly out weighs the good. I keep doing this, and it seems to help. Everytime I miss him I think of all the stupid and wrong ways he done me and I don't call. I go out with my friends and I don't stop to think about him, I even went on a date the other night and hit it off with him and were are going out this weekend when he comes back from work (he works out of town). I hope this helped and keep your head up, don't give in.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 12:19pm

Thank you all for the responses and you are all right about him...
I think we greive for what it should of been instead of what it was.

He is an abuser and a pathalogical lair. He is a builder and he keeps lots of files..but when I saw files on myself and my oldest son that was 16 at the time..I thought that was very weird. He would come to my work dressed up as an old man...he did that a few times..I lost my job shortly after that...he would come to my work with nothing under his coat and said he wanted to create memories..WHAT!! He would even expose himself in public with me if we were in a place all by ourself for a minute...I guess he thought that was a turn on for me...I told him it wasn't. I asked him why he does that, because he can be himself with me...OK! GREAT.

When I took showers he would sneak into the bathroom and just stand there over the top of the curtain and stare. I just screamed...very scary to me. Even though i'm not with him anymore. I still look up when I take a shower. He is one of the Biggest manipulators I have ever known...He tried to salvage the marriage as he thinks he knowshow...by manipulating...But I didn't buy it this time...I have been keeping my mind busy, with 3 teenage boys and walking everyday has helped. Thanks for the encouragement...Victoria

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 8:01pm

I think we greive for what it should of been instead of what it was.


That's exactly right, Victoria.

Sanguine