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| Sat, 11-04-2006 - 4:47pm |
My husband and I decided last weekend that our marriage isn't working. It is so hard to be dealing with the thought of divorce. I can't even say the word out loud. Thank goodness there are sites like this. I haven't told anyone and feel quite alone. I'm so nervous to tell my friends and family, especially my parents. It makes me feel a little better that there are others who got through a similar situation. (Not that I wish divorce on anyone...) Here's my story in a nutshell: We had a baby last spring. Somewhere during pregnancy or soon after, my husband fell out of love with me. He is unwilling to try counsiling. So here I am, figuring what to do next. The list seems endless. I am scared to be a single mom. Part of me is extremely upset and hurt. The other part of me is relieved because we have finally stopped fighting and the tension between us is pretty much gone. Atleast now I'm not walking around on eggshells all the time. I'm just concentrating on my baby.
It's nice to be able to vent a bit.

Hi there
I just wanted to say that you seem very calm based on the situation. Did you ask him - how "all of a sudden" he fell out of love with you? I mean really, that sounds crazy. My child will be 2 in December and I can't imagine my H saying to me when she was 6 months old - I want a Divorce! You are still recovering, still trying to get some sleep right? It is a big adjustment period. I know you probably have a lot more background, but is he just getting nervous because of all his new responsibilities. The fact that he doesn't want to go to marriage counseling stinks. Did you suggest that maybe he could go alone and see how it goes?
Anyway, you said that you both decided.....did he decide and you are going along or are you unhappy also - or RATHER were you unhappy before he "fell out of love"? Sorry for all the questions, I want to be here to support you (I need support myself) I am very scared right now at the prospect of being a single mom - I am scared to be alone, I am scared of the financial burden. I don't know, when I decided we were going to separate - it was sad, but now the reality is starting to hit me a little. I DO know what you mean about the tension though, I am looking forward to alleviating that.
Hang in there!
Hi Drew,
Welcome to our board.
You say your husband won't go to counseling with you. Have you considered seeking counseling on your own? That's important because you need objective expertise right now. A counselor can help you find the tools to communicate with your husband and pershaps give you some ideas about how to help him open up about his newfound "loss of love." I bet your husband isn't the first guy to react so negatively to the arrival of a baby. I'm guessing he's feeling like "no.2" now and while he hasn't said so outloud, he's being pretty immature about it.
I'd also suggest you contact the hospital where you delivered and ask for a referral to a social worker there. They've seen this before and may have some good advice for you.
Best wishes,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I guess I am quite calm about it. The tension has been going on for so long, I just feel somewhat relieved to know what will happen next. Here's a little more info. He told me a few months ago that he just doesn't feel attracted to me anymore. Maybe our marriage wasn't so strong before the baby. We've always had a great friendship. We've been together for 10 years. But thinking back on things now, I guess things weren't great before. Sometimes it's a lot easier to over look what seem like minor differences than end the relationship. Now with a baby, things are so much more complicated. I did ask him the same questions about feel financially responsible and all that and he said that wasn't it. I suggested him just going to cousiling and figuring things out and he said that he didn't think a cousilor would change his feelings for me. You are right about the sleep part. Who can sleep with a teething 7 month old and now the fact that I'm facing divorce??? The kicker is that I gave up my teaching job to say home with my son, and teaching jobs are easy to find this time of year! So now I have to figure that out too. My husband will take care of us financially while I something to do and, of course, after too. It feels good to be able to talk about things now. I've kept so much bottled up for so long. Now, I've just got to tell my family and friends...
I really do appreciate the questions and support. None of my friends have been divorced, talking with people who are experiencing it is really helpful.
Hi!
I am pretty new here, too. I hope you stick around and we can all support each other and our families.
M