new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
new here
9
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 7:32pm
I am new here. I have been reading some of your post and they seems as though you had a window in to my life. Here is my story. I have been married for 11 yrs(only a couple of those we great ones.)I did however end up with 3 wonderful boys and that I am thankful for. They are my life and why I have not totally lost it. I found out 7yrs ago that he had been cheating on me(2 days after our anniversary which he did not spend with me because he was working ya right)Well shortly after that I found out that I was pg with number 3 so I tried to make things work. Only the staying out all hours of the night and not spending time with the family continued. If I said anything than I was being ungreatful because he was working to support our family(which we never seen any of)In January of this year the boys and I moved out and got a house of our own in a different town. He still see the boys but has no wants to seek counseling or therapy. Last night the decission was made to compltely file for DIVORE. Part of me should be happy to move on and have a Happy life with my boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 7:48pm

Goddess,


It is a time that you WILL have different feelings one day to the next (or even minute to minute).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 7:55pm
You need to not beat yourself up about this. You have three wonderful sons who need you, and need you to be happy. I too, took my vows forever, (was married for 25 years), but there came a time when I needed to let go (and I'm sure God would have agreed) And as far as you being a failure, you need to realize that he made some decisions that you had NO control over, so it's not you who are the failure in the marriage. You need to now make some tough decisions for YOU and your boys. Give yourself permission to do this. (And keep on this discussion forum, it is really helpful :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 8:42pm


Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 10:56pm
Thanks, It is helpful to find people that can relate/or that have been where I am at. I am working on being happy for my kids and my self.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 10:58pm
Thanks, I am probably harder on myself than anyone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 11:00pm
Thanks, My boys are the reason for finally getting the strength to leave. I don't want them to grow up and think that that is how you treat woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 7:23pm
I am in a similiar situation but he's the one with the boys 10 and 11. They lived with us full time. I am new here as well. I don't understand what they are thinking or what I'm even thinking at times. He's so inconsiderate of my feelings and I'm still here wondering if it'll all work out. I have posted a comment on the page telling my story as well. I am 33 years old and live in Michigan. I haven't worked in over a year. I stayed at home with him, He hurt his back at work last October so i stayed home to help him out. I thought he was the one with the back problem while the whole time he's been stabbing me in mine.. I feel the same way you do about your vows. Never in my vows did I say "JUST IN CASE". I said "FOREVER". I dunno.. The emotions are endless I tell ya that...
Tammy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 7:40pm
Thank you, You are welcome to email me anytime to chat. Take care and we will make it through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: goddessof3sons
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 11:48am

Threesons,


Hi. Welcome to the board. I hope you find helpful advice and support here.


I would echo the others here and tell you: You are not a "failure" as a wife.


Your husband seems to believe you're responsible for his happiness. You're not! He is!


So he goes and finds someone else. He'll discover he won't be any happier with that person than he was with you. Why? Because he's looking for someone else to make him happy.


I truly understand your pain and disappointment in his actions. When a spouse leaves its a huge rejection. We all question our self-worth and wonder what we could have/should have done to make the other person stay. Truth is - we can only make ourselves happy.


I encourage you to find a support group and a counselor to help you sort through your feelings. This is a tough decision no matter how

CL-Wisdomtooth2020