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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2007
New Here
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Wed, 11-21-2007 - 11:19pm
After being with my husband for 3.5 years (married 1.5), I finally asked him for a divorce today. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Things have been awful between us for a long time, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was trying to wait until the holidays were over, but I couldn't do it. But I'm still scared. He's being civil about it (so far, anyway-- he knew it was coming), but I'm scared that he might still flip out. I'm scared about being on my own with my daughter. I'm scared about paying bills on my own. But I still feel like I made the right decision. Is it normal to be so conflicted when I'm the one who's leaving???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
In reply to: crazyinsanej
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 12:50am

I know where you're coming from. I asked for a divorce a few months ago from my husband as well. We've been together for almost 22 years and we haven't been happy for most of them. When I asked for the divorce, I felt such relief...followed by panic the next day from worrying about being alone, dealing with kids on my own, bills, etc... We agreed to stay together until after the holidays for the kids' sakes and to save up $ for him to move out. He was laid off from work a few weeks ago so that timetable might need to be adjusted a bit.


Most of the time I'm ok with him moving out. Then when something happens such as closing the checking account or him purchasing furniture for his new place (it's being stored at a friend's house so the kids don't see it) I start feeling the panic attacks start. I don't want to stay married--for several reason. He's feeling the same way...still the unknown is scary. People keep telling me it's normal. So conflicting feelings are normal if you can feel excited, anxious, scared and relieved at the same time. Hope that helps.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
In reply to: crazyinsanej
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 7:53am

totally normal to ride a roller coaster of confidence and doubt, happiness and utter dispair, regardless of whether you were the one who wanted it or not.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
In reply to: crazyinsanej
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 7:39pm

I think we all go through that roller-coaster. I had to look deep into myself and realize I truly am a happier person without him. His friends and family have said he appears to be happier now as well.

I've been on my own for 2.5 years now. My house is calm as it can be with 3 kids and they will tell you there is a big difference from when their dad lived with us.

Sometimes people just don't work well together and we have to learn the hard way.

You'll make it through.
Ts & Ps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
In reply to: crazyinsanej
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 10:26pm
Gosh you guys, I read all of these and I feel the same way, 3 mo. ago I separated from my husband of 13 years. I was excited and relieved at first, but we never got a divorce, I was o.k. at first, but now he seems to be testing the waters, and seeing what else is out there. I am really scared, and sad, I love him and did not think I would lose him forever, yet at the same time I dont see our relationship working. I dont know what to do anymore. I need some help from someone. I feel lost.

Gwenn

Gwenn