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| Wed, 07-04-2007 - 9:14pm |
Hello everyone..
I have been reading tons of post on here for weeks now. Wow where to start, we have been married for 11years and we have 3 children 10,8, and 3. I can say that things have not always been wonderful for us, but we have had years of good things to. On May 22 of this year he decided to leave our home. My H at this time is living with a single male friend of his. One of our biggest problems is his drinking, he has only gotten worse since he left. The worst part is I still love him so much and want our marriage to work, but I feel he is playing mind games with me. I for the first month he was gone would call all the time and basically beg him to come home. He would just get mad and talk ugly to me and hang up on me all the time. He says that we do not get along and that he is not willing to change at all, so basically I am suppose to tolerate all his not coming home, drinking to all hours of the night and so on so on.
A friend of mine told me I should just not contact him and basically just act as if nothing is wrong and try to be happy. Well I did that and it was working, well until today. We have continued to be intimate since the sepration which I know I should not have...but when I still love him it is hard to shut those feelings off. When I first attempted to ignore him one of the nights I was going out with friends he called several times all through the nightand left several messages which is not like him. He also when he came to get the kids the last 2 times he has asked me to come along and was pretty nice and normal with me. Than today he asked again for me to go with them and I said yes, well he started his talking about how this does not make anything right stuff and that It did not mean he was coming home. I got so upset cause I felt we were moving forward for once, but I got mad and we got into a hugh arguement and things went right back to the way they were.
I am so confused at this point, sometimes he acts as if he wants the marriage to work and just as soon as I do or say something he does not like than he wants a divorce. I have told him that if that is truely what he wants than he needs to go and file for the divorce, but he will not. He is the type of person that will say things in anger to hurt me so I will shut up and leave him alone. I have really thought about going and filing myself even though that is not what I want just so I can try to move on. This is destroying me emtionally have no ideal where to go from here. I know that his drinking has alot to do with the way that he acts but I also know that I cannot make him stop drinking. He has been good about paying all the bills he left us at the house and everything and gives me plenty of money a week to pay the bills and other things that we need or want(I guess that makes him feel better about his choices). I am a sahm and go to college it will be about 3 years before I am done and he has said he wants to support me until I am done(another I feel guilty thing).
I guess what I am trying to do is get advice as to what to do and how to cope with all of this mess. He is working 7 days a week and has been for months in a high stress job, which I know is some of the problem also. I have our kids all the time and I feel sorry for them cause I am so upset all the time and they see that. I try to be strong but it is so hard when you love someone so much and you have to sit and watch them destroy themselves and our lives also in the process. Sorry this was so long I needed to get this out.
Candy
