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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
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Wed, 07-04-2007 - 12:11am

Hi,

My divorce will be final in 2 weeks and I am just having a really hard time. We were married 9 years, had many problems in the marriage since day one and we both had health issues. I hadn't been happy in a long time and finally a year ago "we" decided it was over. I still know it is the right thing but so very sad that it is almost over. I moved out about 6 months ago and because of health issues on his part, I am paying for all the expenses in the house that he lives in until we sell it. (Yes, I was way too nice during mediation and am struggling to pay for 2 places now.) We didn't split because of his medical problem, he just wasn't a good husband and I couldn't take it anymore.

He is a great dad to his 2 kids that lived with us the entire marriage but he couldn't give me what I need. We do not have kids together. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago so I am unable to have kids. I think in a sense that was part of the problem (all I ever wanted in life was a baby but everything happens for a reason), but we had problems before that. I thought about divorce within the first year of marriage, but wanted so much for it to work. We went to the court together, strange, I know and I just lost it after that. I never felt so alone, which is odd because when we lived together we didn't communicate. I am living alone now and it does get very lonely. We have tried to remain friends but sometimes that is very hard.

I find myself working 70-80 hours a week and it is affecting my health and relationships with friends/family but I need to be busy and the work just never ends. I don't know how to get through this. I dread the day it is final and I am not sure why.

I feel so much pressure at work that I can't focus on anything for me. But as the day comes that the divorce will be final, I start to worry about how I will handle it. There are days now that the stress of life gets so overwhelming that I feel I will end up in a psych ward. Seriously. Maybe that would be for the best. So much has happened and I can't get a break and feel like I am losing it! Tomorrow is the 4th and I will have to work from home. Deadlines at work just don't allow me to breathe and that is taking a toll on my health. I have talked to my boss, his boss, his boss.... and nothing changes. I need some help to get through the next few weeks. I am afraid that when the day comes that the divorce is final that I will literally lose my mind. I am so sick and tired of "pretending" I am strong. People think that because I survived 2 years of chemo, radiation, surgery and a near fatal reaction to chemo that resulting in being in the ICU, that I can get through anything. This is different.

Sorry for going on and on. I have friends/family to talk to but they can't seem to truly understand the pain that going through a divorce causes.

Thanks so much for reading this. I know that I am not the only one in the world who is/who has gone through a divorce and know I will get through it, just not sure how sometimes!

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: karen752006
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 9:23am

Oh honey, I am so sorry. Here are hugs.

I hope you have a counselor. Find one. You can afford the time and the money to do this one thing for yourself.

I don't know what you do for a living, but there has to be a way to break the cycle of excessively long hours. Occasionally, it may be necessary, but not constantly. You have vacation time earned; insist on using it.

Then look for a new job.

It is sad to end a marriage. Grief is natural. It takes time to recover. Also, as long as you are do deeply involved supporting him you aren't going to disentangle. You need to do that.

Ok, all is easier said than done, I know.

First step, counseling. Second step, Sundays OFF, no exceptions. Third step, see about setting him free financially unless you are obligated for ss or cs. Fourth step, new job.

Hugs,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
In reply to: karen752006
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 11:18am

Hey there Karen...


I think that, no matter how much we realize we're making the right choice by divorcing, the actual event is still difficult to deal with.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
In reply to: karen752006
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 8:13pm
Thanks M and Julie for your responses. It really helps to talk to people who know what you are going through. Thanks again, Karen
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: karen752006
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 8:28pm
I'm really sorry you're going through all of this. I hope you are not doing it alone...it would be too much for anyone. I'll pray that you are able to take a vacation, and soon. Good luck to you.

Katy