New here . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
New here . . .
11
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:05am

Hello;

I've come back to ivillage after quite a while.

My name is Laurene, and I am in the middle of a very ugly divorce. I was married for 23 years. My marriage, looking back now, was very unhealthy. The mental, emotional and psychological abuse went on for most of it. At the end, before I fled, there were threats of physical abuse. I fled in April 2006.

I'm 40, and finally decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life in a relationship, especially a marriage that just wasn't ok.

After the papers have been filed, I now face losing everything. I am disabled, cannot work due to physical issues, and therefore, I lost physical custody of my 4 boys, ages 21, 20, 18 and 13. They all live with their father. He is manipulating them and my mother to no end. I now face losing my spousal support, all of the stocks, retirement funds, and all of my belongings. I have, what was purported to be, a wonderful, bull-dog of an attorney. I am finding that in Michigan, my rights are next to none. Frustrating!

I guess I'm here just to have a place to talk, to find out information and seek support.

I am in a present relationship with a very loving, supportive man. He must be the most patient man in the world!!

How do you all deal with the daily frustrations? Facing being backed into a corner by your soon to be ex-spouse? How do you all deal with the frustrations, anger and disappointment of your children?

Thanks for reading!!
Laurene

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 1:39pm

Suzie,

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement!!

Looking back, knowing that I married when I was 19, I know that I didn't have the life experiences that I needed to be mature enough to be married, let alone have children!! But, I took what life had given me at that time. I tell my boys all the time to wait to have children! They will be learning so much, and need what they learn. Of course, as a Mom, I want my children to have a better, I guess even easier life than I had. The 4 of them are the best thing(s) that came out of my marriage.

I've taken that thought and transferred it to the relationship that I am in now. I don't want to repeat the mistakes I made before, but you're right. I took a lot because I didn't think that I had any way out. Again, you're right, it all became "just another day" kind of thing. I began to hate myself, almost more than I hated my stbx! I still tend to beat up on myself before I will take anything out on anyone else. I find myself needing the life experiences that I didn't have, and knowing that, I have to re-teach myself a lot. I've still got a long way to go, I know that. But taking it day by day is the best thing that I can give myself and those around me.

I'm glad that you took the initiative to get out. I know how hard that decision was for you, but you're right, even though we don't know one another, I know that you're a better person, better woman for that decision.

I look forward to getting to know you better!

Laurene

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