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| Thu, 11-02-2006 - 9:00am |
Sort of....I posted a couple of times on a divorce board about 5-6 years ago. But we are still married. We have been married almost 17 years lived together before that, we have 4 kids 19,17,15,13, the 19 yo is away at college and about to turn 20. My 17 yo will be going to college next year.
I could be writing a book on my dysfunctional marriage and in hindsight why did I stay so long. He lied and lied. Because of that I truly hate the phrase "I am sorry"! He thinks if he does something that is all he has to say. He is controlling, then he says there are more controlling men out there, yes but I would not be married to them. He is mentally and verbally abusive to the point of being downright mean. Although he will either say I am wrong or tell me I am abusive too. He has cheated on me to my knowlege only once although I do wonder, and that was with my best friend, who is no longer a friend at all. I have told him more than once than once that I do want a divorce, he will either ignore it, tell me I am crushing his world then ignore it, tell me we cannot afford to get divorced, which is the new thing. I cannot keep doing this and our kids are sufering too.
I lost my job in Feb. I have not been able to find anything other than retail. So now I am wotking for Wal-Mart which I did not want to do, I have worked for them before, this time is not too bad and I know it is temporary. I am going back to the dntist, I need some dental work done. I have a feeling he will try and say we do not have the money, but I have some help there. I know he is trying to make it so we can never afford to get divorced.We live in rural VA. My older 2 kids have been having panic/anxiety attacks, I can feel my depression coming back.
About a month ago maybe a little longer my FIL had a stroke, he was due to have a kidney removed due to renal cancer. I found out late one night while talking to my SIL on the pc. My H was due to be at work at 4:30 AM he works for UPS in the am and thn has a reg office job. I went and waited for him to come out to tell hm about his dad. As one of his sisters was going to call him later that day. I would ask how his dad was doing, he would tell me better or ok. Then he told me his one sister was getting stressed out another was overwhelmed and he might go up to NJ, ok. He did not go. I asked him how his dad was, and he would never say anything was bad, so I thought he was better. I get hime from work one day and he calls to tell me his dad is expected to die within 24 hours, he knew he was going downhill and chose not to tell me, why? 2 days later on Oct 14 he passed. We did not tell the kids as our DD was taking her SAT's and then we were all going to a Fall Festival with DD's bf, DS's gf and my mom. That night we told the kids. DS and his GF were driving up to NJ on Sunday and would be staying at her house (we used to live in NJ, another long story). I called into work told them I qould be out for the week. Told H we should leave Sunday he said no Monday, he tells me Monday morning the family wake is Monday evenign and yes we should have left Sunday. I was as supportive as I could be, I picked DS up and took him back everyday. I went to the store to get DD shoes, went to the craftstore for cardstock, we ended up not using. I never asked him to do anything. I listened as he got upset. It was the most emotionally exhausting experience.I do not know what he has told his family, but most of them would not talk to me. Th kids wanted to stay one more day to go into NYC and walk around with oldest DS and his gf but H said no, so we came home, all stressed. It has been downhill since then.
I am at a loss as to what to do, he will do anything so I son't leave and I am convinced the only way I will ever leave will not be a good one.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening. I do not have any close froends t talk to and he cmplains when I talk to my mom and I stopped going to therapy as it was 50.00 a session.
Kim

My original message, with more information...
K...