New Here

Avatar for msally99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New Here
3
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 3:19pm

Hi, I'm Carol. I'm 30 and have been married to H for 3 1/2 years. We have decided to separate because neither of us is happy, and haven't been for a while. H is missing that he never had a bachelorhood (went straight from his mom's house to mine, even though he was 24 when we married). He wants to be on his own, able to do his own thing and not answer to me or anyone else. If he had his way, he would have those things and still stay married to me, but I am unable to continue to tolerate him not being considerate of me.

We are still very much in love, and this is very hard for both of us. Neither of us really WANTS to separate, but we both feel that it is the best thing right now.

We have both found apartments and will be moving mid- to late October. I am feeling strong and hopeful, and am starting to be excited about living on my own again. At the same time, I am devastated and terribly hurt and sad. I do still have hope that H and I will be able to resolve our issues during the year we're living apart, and that we'll get back together when our leases are up next year.

Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself. :)

~ Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2006
In reply to: msally99
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 5:46pm

Hi Sally,

I am Kathy. I am new here too. My husband left my 3 daughters and I 6 months ago. Looks like we will be getting divorced. He was the one that was unhappy and I am the one having to get the divorce started. He was very unclear about why he left or what he has been doing since he left. Left no forwarding address--I found out later on my own where he lives but has not taken our daughters there. I was very angry at him for so long now I am just depressed. I guess those are normal feelings to feel. Worried now about keeping the house, parenting agreements, finances, etc. Just want it settled but worried about the future and sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: msally99
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 10:00am

Hi, and welcome!


I'll be honest with you....based on what you posted, it sounds like your marriage can be saved. Is there any way both of you would be willing to go to counseling during the separation? Maybe a break and some therapy will help bring you back together.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: msally99
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 10:00am

Hi Carol.... hate to say it, but he sounds childish and selfish.... and he won't like living on his own in his own apartment for very long (because there'll be no mommy or wife to "do" for him).


I don't care if it's a boss, co-worker, friend or wife.... it's just responsible and respectful to let someone know where you are and when you're coming and going.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~