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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
New here
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Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:01pm

I thought I would come here to read, and get some support.


I'm 29 yrs old. I have been married for almost 12 yrs to my High school sweetheart. We have 5 kids together.


My husband told me on my birthday in May that he was unhappy which was a total suprise to me. Then the following week he told me he wanted a 30 day separation. Here we are in the end of July and he is wanting a divorce now.


I am still in shock over all of this because he never said anything before about his feelings. He says he loves me but just isn't in love with me anymore. He said in his mind he has been trying to work it out. But never told me. I'm not sure why he didn't want to go to marriage counseling. We just had yet another baby not too long ago. He said he thought having another baby would make things better. I wanted to get my tubes tied after #4 but he was so sure he wanted another baby. I just don't understand how all of this happened. Everything is just going so fast. He says I have done nothing wrong, I've been the best mother and wife anyone could want. It's him. So why do I feel like I didn't do something right?


I've been a stay at home mom forever, I have no college education since I was at home having babies and taking care of the household while he worked and went to college to get his BA.


He has been saying and doing really weird stuff totally out of character. For instance we have matching tattoos with each other's name that we've had since we were kids, and he tattooed over it. Very cruel! He doesn't think before he speaks, he just says crazy stuff that I find it hard to believe that he is even saying or doing any of it.


Our families are very suprised as well, and very hurt.


I am worn out honestly. Some days are good for me and some days are bad for me.


I don't want to have an ugly divorce where we hate each other and drag our kids through the mud. I want them to know we have things under control and we both love them very much.


I guess I just don't know what to expect.


Thanks for listening

Brittany (Mom2FiveDrews)


Kiana "The Basketball Star" 11 years old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins" 9 years old


Olivia "The Princess" 3 years old


Isaac "The Prince"

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom2fivedrews
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:51pm

mom2fivedrews...

Pianoguy thought your post was one of the saddest he has ever read. And sadly, it seems that your lot in life has been that of "a babymaker" for your husband?

Thoughts that come to PG's mind:

1. If your husband wants OUT of the marriage....contact a lawyer about spousal and child support payments immediately. AND DON'T BE KIND WHEN IT COMES TO THE WEEKLY AMOUNT! 5 children and you equals a hefty sum! Moreover, the bulk of the responsibility for rearing the children will suddenly be yours!!!

2. Your biggest issue will be explaining "Daddy's absence" to your children. And I honestly don't know how you're gonna handle that chore? You might want to talk to a trusted family member, social worker, or a friend who has gone through a situation similar to yours?

3. If your husband is a bonafide lunatic (I'm thinking about the tatoo story)...do you really want to spend the remainder of your life trying to justify his crazy behavior?

4. You can get practically every type of education you need through correspondance or on-line courses...BUT FIRST...you have to decide WHAT SORT OF EDUCATION you wish to pursue?

5. I'll bet you have more friends and family members who support you than you could possibly imagine? So why not ask them for suggestions and alternatives? They'll probably come up with an idea or two that I haven't?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
In reply to: mom2fivedrews
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 5:14pm
I have already enrolled in school to get my nursing degree. So I'm moving in the right steps. I just day it day by day. I have a lot of family support including his family as well.

Brittany (Mom2FiveDrews)


Kiana "The Basketball Star" 11 years old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins" 9 years old


Olivia "The Princess" 3 years old


Isaac "The Prince"

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
In reply to: mom2fivedrews
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 6:08pm

I'm so sorry you're going through this and with 5 babies no less.... Your husband is very cruel. To