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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
New here
7
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 8:54am

I've been lurking here for a bit but have decided it's time to join in. I have been a member of ivillage for many years and many different boards but now I need to post here where I know you will all "really" understand.

A little background: I was married 10 years ago and by all accounts the marriage was never much of a marriage. There has never been a "partnership" between us. He always did his own things - never did things as a family since he wasn't interested. He travelled alot for work but even when he was home, spent no time with our family. He said from day one that our kids were "all mine" and showed this by never spending any time with them or taking any part in their rearing. After the first few years I didn't even try to get him involved anymore. The last year or so we were nothing more than roommates.

few months ago, he finally decided to leave. Honestly, it was a huge relief. He has no interest in the children and stops by on Sunday afternoon for an hour, and he only does that because I have guilted him into it. He also has no interest in paying any support of any kind. He's been gone almost 3 months now and given me not one cent!! The infuriating part is that he makes more than twice what I do. I decided to sell our house to try and get rid of any joint debt.

I keep trying to focus on the future and think about how good things will be this time next year.

Anyway, I didn't mean for my into post to turn into a full fledged rant ;) but I guess I just had to let it all out, LOL!

I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you and learning lots from your experiences.

Trudy

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:01am
Good Morning Trudy! I am sorry you find yourself in need of us, but I am glad you are here. Rant, rave, cry, or laugh with us anytime. You don't say whether you have hired a lawyer yet or not. If not, please do so. They can file for temporary child support and spousal maintenance for you until your divorce is final. Take good care of yourself. Come back and visit with us again. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2004
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:05am

Girly, this is just my opinion but it's too bad that he doesn't want to be a part of those children....he needs to at the very least pay for them! Do you have an attorney?

That makes me so mad that people think they can just walk out like none of it mattered..Hang in there!!!

Just a thought.....

You can't erase your past so you might as well embrace it, learn from it and then tuck it away so you don't have to live in it forever!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:25pm

My ex didn't want to pay any alimony because he couldn't get past the fact that my basic needs must be met in order to make the children's needs met. The mediator told him that he would have to pay alimony and explained why I needed it. He refused. I ended mediation and hired a good atty. I will have 7 years of alimony, along with some other extras (providing he doesn't disappear). It pays to hire a good atty and get what you deserve. Make him remember you and the kids each time he writes out that weekly check. I hope your ex gets over his anger (or whatever his problem is) and begins a new relationship with his children. Mine is a better father now than when we were married. Good luck.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:36pm

Thanks Laura, I actually thought he might make an effort to spend some time with them if we were separated, but I should have known he wouldn't.

I will be getting a lawyer and will be doing everything I can to make him pay for HIS kids. It's just really hard right now, sigh

Trudy

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:23pm

Hi Trudy.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:58pm
I am not sure where you live but every state except California and South Carolina are on the Federal Child Support System. Meaning he has to pay you support or go to jail. He cannot go to another state (except those two) and get away from it. CA is close to being on it, if not already and SC is on it's way. I know attorney's are expensive but hire one and protect your assets if not for yourself for your children. Mine pays child support and 60% of the medical/dental bills. Your states Dept of Social Services should have a child support calculator. Use it. You will be surprise at how much he has to pay you. My ex makes $75k and pays $850 per month for only one child. SC is a pretty conservative state so yours could be higher.
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tad123
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:13pm

Welcome...

I'm glad you decided to de-lurk and introduce yourself! I would definitely suggest speaking with an attorney to determine your rights... even if he says the kids are "all yours" they are 50% him and they have some rights because of that... try to speak with someone and get at least a temporary child support order in place...

My xh paid next to nothing during the separation too... it was really annoying... but that can be changed and you should definitely do what you need to do to get that started...

Hope to get to know you better!

Julie