New here
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 01-20-2006 - 10:17pm |
Hi, my name is Toni. I have been married for nine years and have two children(5 and 2) with my husband. I have been unhappy for some time, but just recently got the courage to end the marriage. We are getting a dissoultion. Our separation agreement has been filed and we are going to have our final court date in early March. My husband will be moving out of our house next week.
This is the right thing for me, but I find that it is still the hardest thing that I have done in a long time. I am in couseling to help me through it and that has been great, but it is still hard. It always suprises me what I will find hard. I was just invited to a Valentine party today and the thought of going by myself made me sad. The funny thing is that the sadness came from no where. I would have never expected that in a million years. I have never had a problem going anywhere by myself and now the thought of doing so upsets me. But I guess if I am telling the truth, it isn't the thought of being alone....it is the thought that my marriage is over that is sad. The thought that I had a nice little family, with a nice little house, and a nice stable income, and two great kids. From the outside, it was all so perfect. The thought of not having that perfect family is what I think upsets me. Especially since everyone else around me is married.
I have learned so much about myself from this whole process it's scary. I can honestly say that I am a totally different person now than I was just four months ago. I think I have changed for the better, but still drastically different.
I'm not really sure where I am going with this post except to share my thoughts with people who I think will understand. I look forward to posting with you.

Hi Toni!
Welcome... I'm glad that you're here. Divorce can be an incredibly life changing event even when it is mutual thing, or (when its not) and you're the one who wanted it in the first place...
It is about losing certain dreams that you felt you had... growing old with your stbx... doing this or doing that with them... your plans that you had, well, some will remain, some will be different... you'll have new plans and dreams that you cannot even imagine yet...
Its completely normal to feel the way you are... to have some sadness... those emotions may even intensify to anger... or not... its a roller coaster of emotions and the thing is, you often don't know when the next great high or low will hit...
I hope you know that we are here for you. I hope to see you posting again and to get to know you better...
*hugs*
Julie
Hugs, Brenda
Hi Toni,
Sorry you find yourself in need of this board, but welcome! I am somewhat new myself--since December.
My situation is very similar to yours in that I had been unhappy for years before we separated. We've been married for 8 1/2 years, and our 2 dds are 5 and 2 also. Our separation was brought about by a pretty traumatic event (see my posts 16513.1 and 16513.5 if you really want to know the ugly story), and like you, I know it's the best thing for me and our children, but I'm sad too. We have not taken any legal action yet; my stbx moved out in early October and would like to save the marriage, but I don't think that's possible.
It's hard to start thinking like a single person again, isn't it? When we married and had children, we certainly weren't planning to be single moms someday. Not having friends who are single moms makes it harder; all of my friends are either single/never married/no kids, or happily married with children. And neither type of friend is somebody who really wants to hang out with a single mom; we just don't have that much in common any more.
You said it all when you wrote, "it is the thought that my marriage is over that is sad. The thought that I had a nice little family, with a nice little house, and a nice stable income, and two great kids. From the outside, it was all so perfect. The thought of not having that perfect family is what I think upsets me. Especially since everyone else around me is married." Yep, me too.
So no, I haven't found any answers yet, but I do understand exactly how you feel. Welcome aboard.
Hugs,
Julie