New Here
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 11-11-2005 - 6:01pm |
Hi Im new here. We are not legally married, but we live like we are and have two kids. I hope I am welcome here. It was decided just today that we should split up, but it has been coming for a long time.
I am a stay at home mom. I haven't worked in over three years. I am so scared about taking care of myself and our two small children by myself. My son is three My daughter is one and a half.
I am pertrified, but I can not stand being miserable anymore.
It started today when I was mad about never getting a day off, or a day to myself. Imagine the nerve I have asking for that.
I will never get it now.
He makes a ton of money. I make nothing. Everything is in his name. He has a good stash of cash. I have 200. Thats it.
Where do I start. I am afraid we will have to live together for awahile until I can get on my feet.
I can't believe my life has been turned upside down in a day.

Oh dear, I am SO sorry. It sure looks like he has the perfect set-up here, an un-paid slave (and sex toy) who will raise his children for him. Every year you stay in this situation is another year in which your clothing and possessions have grown shabbier, and you have nothing saved for a rainy day or retirement. I could go on and on about why this set up is a dangerous choice for you, but you already know all about it.
In my State, you could go immediately to the CS enforcement office and start an action to obtain child support. No need to wait one minute. No need to find your own place first. But the laws vary, so you will have to go there and ask questions. The sooner you start the paperwork the better, because the payments cannot be ordered for any time periods before you put in your request. Every day you wait is costing you money. I don't know if your personal safety is at any risk? If so, please take all necessary precautions.
If he is not a danger to you, it might be good to start investigating daycare and exploring the job market first before looking for a place to move. But this is up to you. Many people are not in a situation where they can take their time on the move.
Sweetie ... you will be ok.
I woudnt make any fast moves. Make your plans. Get all your financial affairs in order. You woudl be suprised what a spouse will do to hide money, close accounts, etc. PLEASE take your time & get info on ALL your assets. I wish you had slowly gotten some cash of your own hidden. Maybe your X wont be like many & try to screw you, but you cant count on it.
If he makes hte money he makes, & it is amicable (or even if not, b/c the court could order it), its likely you can get spousal support (alimony) AND of course, you will get child support as well.
hugs and remember yo are not alone. married or not - if you are living in one house and have two children together then there are some legal obligations that he will have toward you and your children. contact a lawyer and find out what your rights are. <<>> no , i don't think so. you need to ask a lawyer but it seems to me that if he ismaking 'a ton' while you have been home taking care of his home and kids, you are entitled to something.
but before you take the step toward separation, i am wondering if this relationship can't be fixed somehow? have you tried going to counseling? i know that sometimes the relatinship seems so terrible that leaving it is the only way to get past it, but there are cases that CAN be helped, so its worth a try. even if he won't go with you - go by yourself.
as far as working with two young kids- i don't know if you have any kind of training or if you have worked before. maybe there is something you could do from your home so that you wouldn't spend your entire salary on child care (from running a baby sitting service, computer work, etc).
good luck. I promise you tht it will all work out. i walked out on my husband with nothing - and i live in a country where life is a lot more difficult than in the US. its impossible, for example, to buy even the smallest apartment if you dn't have at least $40-50k of your own and how can i even begin to save when most of my salary is going toward rent (and mind you, i live in a dinky cheap apartment). i don't have a car. but you know - i have my salary, i have my sanity, i have my son. two years ago i was petrified, i was walking around in