New Here

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
New Here
2
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:25pm
Hello, I have never posted here just read the messages but I'll
introduce myself. I am 39 years old. I have been married for 13 1/2
years, but we have been together for 16 years. We have 2 daughters
ages 14 and 7. This is the 2nd time in 4 years that I have filed for
divorce and didn't go thru with it. My husband has made my life a
living hell since the day we met. He drank heavy, hung out with his
friends, and verbally abused me for 14 years while I did all I could
to be a good mother to my girls. January 2004 he decided that he
wanted to start acting like a husband & father, but by then my
feelings had already changed for him, and I was planning on filing
for divorce when I got the money from my taxes later in the year. I
was so miserable in my marriage that I had an affair with my high
school sweetheart for about 8 months. this man made me feel the way
my husband never made me feel. My husband was always telling me that
nobody would ever love me the way he loved me, and I guess I believed
it, because he found out about the affair and I got scared and quit
seeing the guy. We had a nice home in Florida where I was raised, and
he talked me into selling the house and moving to another state where
we could start all over away from family and friends. We moved to
Tennessee where I am miserable, and now he can really control me
because I have no friends or family here. The divorce hasn't been
dropped. We separated in March 2005 and he moved back to Florida. I
stayed because my girls were still in school, and I was planning on
going back in June when they got out of school. We had our mediation
in May, and he talked me into taking him back so we are still in
Tennessee. We were separated for about 3 months and I felt like I
could breath again. I am so confused because I want to try to make it
on my own, but I am really afraid. I know that I will have no life
until I get away from this man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
In reply to: salgadom
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 6:42pm
You have been verbally abused by this man for 14 years....you filed for divorce twice now and still haven't left. I hate to say this, but you have self-esteem issues. You and your daughters needs to get out of there now. Pack you things and move back to your family. He will not change. He will continue to control you and your life. If you felt better when you separated, then that is what you need. He is abusing you not just verbally but emotionally. Your children can sense what you are going through and it will just show them that they are not important and they will end up in the same type of relationship. If you husband was abusing your children, would you be with him? I don't think so. Don't let him continue to abuse you. He is abusing your children emotionally and mentally. My older ds could sense something was wrong long before I did. My younger ds was an emotional basket case when ex-h became involved with someone else. Yes he has accepted his dad's new g/f but he will one day wake up and realize that his dad's "friend" (as he kept telling everyone) was really emotionally and physically involved with his dad and dad continued to lie. You are lying to your DDs by keeping them in that situation. Get out now. No matter what he says to "make you stay", he will not change. He wanted you away from your family just to control you and he succeeded. Get out now and I guarantee your life will be so much better. I know I am being redundant about tell you to get out now but it needs to be stressed. It saddens me to see women in relationships such as you. He may not be beating you physically, but he is beating you down emotionally and mentally. It is abuse whether you wish to see it or not. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: salgadom
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 6:46pm
OMG we are/were married to the same man. I am 37. I was married for 15 years, together for 20years. I have two sons, 9 and 12. I have never been thin enough, beautiful enough, or a good enough wife to him and he never let me forget it. I have never had an affair, but I did contact my high school sweetheart a few years back and if he had been closer who knows what would have happened. My ex never forgot to tell me no one would ever love me as much as him. I guess the way it has turned out not even he did. 12 years ago he moved me out to western Ks far from my family and friends. I am so isolated. This is only a decision you can make , but from reading your post I think you have already made it. I wish you the best. Take care of you! Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda