New here....

Avatar for saydroeske
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
New here....
2
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 12:47am

I have a long long story...

I found out in July 2003 that my husband was cheating on me. I found out about a week after I gave birth to our daughter. He met the girl about 3 weeks before that. They dated until the end of August and then he said that he knew he screwed up and wanted to make it work so I wanted to as well.

Things went well until June 2004, he went away to work again the same place she lived and they met up and started dating. He has pretty much been dating her since. I have given him numerous chances to end it and do what is right and be with me and his daughter but he doesnt want to.

I know in my head that I dont even want to be with him but it is still very hard because for some odd reason my heart still does. He lives with his parents again right now. I also know that I can find someone else to make me truly happy because I am not happy with him and what he has done to us but it is still so hard.

How did you guys make the first move towards actually getting a divorce and not just being seperated. I think that is part of my problem if we are just seperated it doesnt seem as real to me and I think I need it to be real to actually completely get on with my life.

Also my other thing is I know I dont NEED a man to get on with my life but it is so hard imagining that I will be able to find someone else. I feel like being with my husband now at least I have someone even if he is a stupid ass. But on the other hand I know that I would be happier and more content with noone rather than a stupid jerk that I am constantly wondering what he is doing and who he is with and what lie he is telling me now.

A little history I am 24 my husband is 25 we were married in June of 2002 and we have 1 daughter who was born in July of 2003.

Thanks ladies...


saylersig.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: saydroeske
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 1:03am

How I was able to do it was i did if FAST. Once he was out, i filed as fast as i could so i wouldnt turn back. It sure helped that i have a Restraining order against him (he was abusive & threatening to kill me) so he coudlnt call me & beg & cry ... i dont know that i coudl have stayed strong.


I am a *FIRM* believer that if someone can cheat on their spouse once, they WILL do it again, & again. Not to MENTION that he was cheating at what should have been the happiest proudest time of his life. I say get on with your life. You are so young ... you are beautiful (saw your photo) & you will have the world at your feet!


Hugs

R~

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: saydroeske
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 9:23am

Hi and welcome to the boards!


First off, Hugs. These situations are so hard to deal with..... but it does get easier. Time is definitely on our side in this whole divorce/separation thing.....


The first move for me was getting MAD. I fought SO HARD to get my X back in the beginning. I wanted to be married and have a family. My X left me for a 19 year old girl while I was pregnant with our second planned baby. We already had a 6 year old boy.... he is now 29 and I am 28. He left 7/31/03 and our daughter was born 12/7/03. I somehow thought that having my daughter would bring him closer, instead it moved him further away. I practically gave birth alone, he was there for about an hour. I had to beg him for a ride home from the hospital.... that's how bad it got. That's when I got MAD. I decided that I deserved better. My kids deserved better. I also realized I just wanted to be married and I just wanted the family. I could never trust him again. How can anyone have a relationship when the trust is broken so badly with an affair? I wanted my kids to know that it's not ok to cheat and it's not ok to treat mommy with disprespect. I didn't want him.


There is a lot more to my story, but before my daughter was born, he was actually talking about getting back together with me. He said he wanted to be friends first and then see where it went. I believed it....haha. Then I found out about "her" and then all of those things happened with the birth of my daughter. He still wanted to be friends at that point. I would talk to him online, I would email him, I would call him. Then "she" got mad and wouldn't let him see us at all. He has missed over half of my daughters life, she is 19 months old. 3 months here, 4 months there.....


So I guess what I am saying is the more things that happen that impact you negatively and the more he may unintentionally hurt your child, the more angry you get. I will tell you there is nothing more heartbreaking than having to keep your 6 year old home from school because he is so upset about missing daddy that he sat there drawing pictures of me, him and daddy with big smiles at our old house etc...... It makes you mad as heck at "daddy".