New here and NEED HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
New here and NEED HELP!
4
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 2:23pm

Hi everyone....i've been married for almost 10 years, have 2 beautiful children ages 8 & 5 and I haven't been "in love" with my husband for a while now. Last fall I became really depressed and knew that I had to change something, that I couldn't live this way. I told my husband my feelings in January, which was a shock to him. He thought our marriage was fine. I do love him, but more like a brother. I talked about separating, but it has taken since January to do it because I am so upset and scared to mess my kids up in anyway.

I am moving out on June 1st into a 3 bedroom apartment, I will have the kids half the time. My husband is going to stay in the house because "I am the one who want's out". I can't afford to stay in the house anyways. Does this mean I am abandoning my family because I am the one leaving the house? I live in Massachusetts.

I guess I just need a little re-assurance from others who have been in the same boat as me that things will be OK for me and my children. Also, did any of you keep having second thoughts because you didn't want to hurt the kids and for financial reasons?

Any help would be SO APPRECIATED!!!

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 2:43pm

irishkate7...

Does "moving out in June" indicate that you are eventually going to file for divorce? Or that you're just going through a "trial separation" from you husband?

Pianoguy thinks you should make your intentions very clear to your children. It's entirely possible one (or both) will either gravitate toward YOU or DAD?

Not that it matters (since my children are NOW adults), but the first EX and I gave the boys the choice of which parent they wished to live with. The younger opted to go with Mom...the older remained with me. .

You already know that this 'new life of yours' will be difficult. But considering the fact that you haven't been REALLY IN LOVE OR HAPPY with your husband...you're probably making the best choice?

I honestly hope things work out...and that you're much happier in the months to come?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:33am

I would definitely speak with a lawyer, but I don't think you moving into an apartment is going to be detrimental, especially since you will be responsible for your children a great deal of the time. I was also the one to move out...because I wanted out and because I couldn't afford to stay in the house. Most attorneys will give a free or low-cost consultation, so try to do that before moving day so you can get some of your questions answered.



Oh absolutlely! Those were the two reasons I stayed much longer than I should have. But in the end, I am very glad I made the decision to divorce. It's difficult at first, but in the end, it's the best choice I could have made.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:35pm
bump~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 2:06pm

I too was married for 10 years and have 2 children, and yes, I had second thoughts about ending it because I was worried about the kids and the finances - those second thoughts kept me there for at least 2 years longer than I should have stayed. Once I made the decision to end it and confronted my stbx about the deteriorated state of our marriage, I immediately felt a huge huge weight lifted. It has not been easy but that weight that I was carrying for years is gone and that makes it sooooo worth it.

I agree with the others in that you should consult a lawyer since these laws very greatly.

Good luck to you.

 

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